Basically, I’ve been having an existential crisis. In two years, I have attended two colleges and changed my major three times. And, to be completely honest, I am no closer to figuring out what to do after I graduate next year. If anything, I have actually backtracked.
I graduated from high school believing with every bone in my body that I wanted to go into teaching. The teachers I had throughout high school seriously changed my life in so many ways, and I felt it would be extremely rewarding to be able to give back to public schools and do the same for the next generation of students.
Originally, I had wanted to teach science, more specifically Earth science, and then I joined a program that allowed me to combine science and English, my two greatest passions. But, after transferring, I was forced to choose one core subject, and with Earth science education not being offered, I haphazardly chose to go into Adolescent Biology Education, leaving my love for reading and writing behind. Science was a more noble pursuit, and would probably pay more in the future and that was that.
After that, I was miserable. I experienced quite literally the worst burnout of my entire life, and suddenly the idea of teaching biology seemed like my own personal hell, if I could even manage to complete my degree. And suddenly, teaching no longer felt like a viable option either.
To keep it short and sweet, a particular saying had been gnawing at me: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach. Basically, the saying is meant to be a comical (yet, somehow not really funny to me) remark at how teachers are supposedly inferior to those who use the same knowledge in a more “real-life” pursuit, rather than in a school system. I know what you’re thinking, how can one silly old saying cause you to change your entire life track?
Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a certified Class A overthinker. But, I think there is *some* truth to the statement.
I still think the very highest of the teaching profession. I strongly believe our teachers are underpaid and severely underappreciated for their devotion and contributions to society. I myself am even still likely going to go into teaching. The opportunity to share what I am passionate about and also work with kids every day is definitely the dream. But maybe not the dream, or at least not the complete dream.
I don’t think the second part of the saying is trying to belittle those who aren’t good enough, not smart enough for a life outside of education. Many types of people quite literally cannot teach (I think we can all name a college professor or two). I think the saying is a call out to those who can’t because they fear their dreams are too big, who can’t because they won’t allow themselves to take the leap of faith. So, they settle in a way that is still rewarding and that is dream-adjacent. Again, this is NOT every teacher. This is simply people, maybe like me, who might be settling because they cannot fathom that their other dreams are even achievable.
My complete dream is to be a writer. All I have ever wanted to do, the one consistency across my entire childhood and early adulthood is my passion for writing stories, my passion for bringing the colorful worlds in my head to life. But, it has taken me up until this semester to admit that I may have been using teaching as a more practical “dream.” The publishing industry is not a kind one. It is a brutal climb to the top, and I am severely lacking in the confidence department when it comes to anything I have written. And then, while watching One Day on Netflix, I saw myself reflected in Emma Morley. I swear it was like I was watching my entire career play out right in front of my eyes, the bad and the good.
So, it was then, at what may have been an all-time low, that I changed my major for the *hopefully* final time. I went back to my roots, deciding to get a degree in English. I really have no idea where it will take me. So far, it has guided me to Her Campus, where I have found more acceptance and praise for my writing than I ever could have imagined.
Maybe I’ll end up teaching, or maybe I’ll fail at that too. But, I think I’m finally at the point where I have decided to start investing in my dreams, because at least then I can say that I truly tried.