As time grows closer to my senior year of college, I find myself asking those irritating questions.
Now what?
What am I going to do now? Graduation is a year away, and what will come next?
Truthfully, I have no idea.
If someone asked me my freshmen year I would have said, “I’m going to be a news anchor” and meant it with my whole heart.
That’s changed now. After dabbling in the television news business, I decided that I’d rather not be a news anchor. Shout out to the people that are; they’re amazing!
After that I thought, maybe I’ll be a freelance journalist. Or write for online magazines like Cosmopolitan or Marie Claire.
Part of the reason why I joined Her Campus is because I love the idea of it. Writing on a platform geared towards women is amazing. It’s a like-minded community. There’s an understanding of the experiences we go through. It’s very supportive and nonjudgmental. I’m not opposed to having a career that involves continuing to do this.
But…
Last year I picked criminology as my minor. I started to take sociology and criminology classes. I fell in love with it completely. This semester, I’m taking a class about famous serial killers. I’ve learned about the lives and horrors of Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and most recently Ed Kemper.
Somewhere along the lines I’ve started to ask myself what I can do with this information. Watching Criminal Minds has inspired me and led me to believe that I can tie in both communication and criminology. After all, the communications liaison for the BAU is JJ, played by actress A.J. Cook. She is a profiler and a direct link to the media and the public. Communication and criminology are wrapped up in one.
So, that’s something I could do. But, what if I want to remove the journalism aspect altogether and focus on crime? Like a crime analyst or something equivalent. I don’t want to be a police officer and out in the field catching the bad guys (I know that for sure). I’d like to be more behind the scenes and get into their heads. Learning who they are, what they’re doing and most importantly the why.
Why do bad people do what they do?
Which leads me to where I am now. For the first time since I’ve gotten to college, I’m thinking about graduate school. I’m thinking about going to grad school to further study human behavior, and how it impacts crimes. Forensic psychology perhaps. That’s a big MAYBE.
I’m opposed to it, however, because I’ve been in school since I was five years old. And I’m 20-years-old now. That’s 15 years of my life that I’ve spent in school. I deserve a break and to live my life without worrying about assignments and exams.
What worries me about the world of crime is that it contradicts my nature. I hate violence, blood and gore. Horror movies terrify me. But that’s fake. Working in a crime field is very much so real life. That could possibly involve seeing dead bodies and seeing and hearing all the awful things human beings are capable of.
Once you’re in that deep, how does that not corrupt your soul? Your mental health? It’s a lot of negative energy that is bound to take a toll on someone. If I decide to take the step to become more involved in the criminology field, how will I keep it from getting to me?
I don’t know the answers to those questions and that scares me the most. I don’t want to lose or chip away at the part of me that is kind and warm. It scares me.
With the clock ticking towards graduation my future is constantly on my mind.
What’s next? Where will it be? How will I accomplish it?
I don’t know.
But, hopefully, I will soon.