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Things to keep in mind when going on a relationship break

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

So you have taken a break from your relationship with your significant other. I too have been in this position before. My experience going on a break was in August of 2022. It was one of the most challenging experiences I have ever gone through. But overall I learned a lot about myself and the person I was in a relationship with then. It may be hard to keep your life together during this break, but do not worry.Here is a list of things to keep you positive.

1. Try to remember who you were before you met that person

For me, one of the biggest problems was trying to remember who I was without them. I was with him for some of the most defining times in my life and I felt lost without him. Over the break, I finally had time to remember who I was. I realized that I had a life before him and I have a life after him. About a week in, I finally felt like the girl I had known before. She was resilient and could accomplish anything she set her mind to. I made this mistake and it really made coping incredibly hard for me. Just remember that being with a person does not make them define your personal identity. At the end of the day you have you and that is okay.

2. Spend Time with your friends

One of the activities that helped me the most was spending time with my friends. I know a lot of people say it is not true but when me and him were together I did not spend as much time with my friends anymore. I missed them and realized they were the medicine I needed to cure this condition. What you are going to realize is the only time you feel pain from it is when you are alone. So I decided that I needed to get out of the house and spend time with some of the most important people in my life. If you find yourself really sad about the break; get out of the house and see your best friends.

3. Stay No contact during this time

The biggest mistake I made on this break was remaining in contact. It made coping with not seeing each other 10x harder. I remember wanting to talk to him, but he wanted nothing to do with me. This really set my healing time way back. I could not get used to not being with that person because I continuously tried to talk to him. It may be hard but the best thing ever is to not talk. If it is meant to be you will come back together in the end. And if it is not then you can find a new life.

4. Get out of the house and explore

The worst thing to do during a break that everyone does is sit around your house and cry. It is quite possibly one of the most toxic things to do during this time. The first couple of times crying is necessary but after a while it is time to get up and get out. I remember one of the best times during the break for me was when me and my friend just went on a drive to get me out of the house. I will forever remember this night and she quite honestly saved me that day. Getting outside overall will help your mood and make you feel free from pain for a minute. I know it may suck getting out of bed, but trust me it will be worth it in the end.

5. Set a list of rules

This might be the most important thing to do when going on a break. Each of you are going to have different opinions about how you want to live on this break. It is crucial that you sit down and make a list of everything you can do and cannot do. It really helps especially if there are high emotions in it. It may seem hard to have this conversation with your significant other, but it can help the break be more understandable for each person.

6. Remember your personal time

When going on a break it may seem hard to take time to care for yourself, but going through a serious emotional event makes it necessary for self care. I remember one night I decided to have a spa night. It was so relaxing and I felt at peace with the world. An easy way to do this is to put your phone down for a couple of hours each day. This is the best choice because you cannot purposely break your own heart when you realize he has not texted. So put it down and remember everything that you have in the world without that one person.

7. Do not start dating someone new

I know it may seem tempting but do not start dating someone new. Everyone needs emotional time to heal, even if you do not think you do. You cannot start something if you still have unresolved issues from the past. You will just be building up emotional baggage that you do not have to. Try to stay strong and focus this time on you and solely you. Do not try to move on even if they are. There is no time limit on healing. You get better when you get better.

8. Do not blame yourself for the break

This is the easiest thing to do. I did it every single day. I kept on asking myself “What could I have done differently”. Remember that a relationship involves two people to make it end. I did this for so long and only blamed myself not him. Do not do that to yourself, it will just ruin your own self image. I know it may seem difficult, but remember that nobody is perfect and the other person is for sure not. In my case, he did not take credit for anything which ruined it for me. Over time, I realized that half of it was not my fault. He was just too immature to take responsibility for anything. Just remember to not take full responsibility for it and if he does not take any responsibility, then he is not the one for you.

Hello I am Gabrielle Martin, Gabby for short. I am a freshman writer at St. Bonaventure University chapter of Her Campus. I plan on writing about different topics like breakups, dating, personal care, and relationships (the good ones and the challenging ones). Outside of Her Campus I am an Adolescent Education major with a history concentration. I am also a part of four other clubs on campus most that deal with the education part of my major where I take care of kids after school from the community. This is my first year on Her Campus and I cannot wait to embark on this journey of writing influential articles. I am from Caledonia, New York which is about 30 minutes outside of Rochester. In my free time I love to spend time with my friends going out to eat or going on walks. I love reality tv shows and I also love cheesy romantic comedies. My favorite food is bagels and I drink a coffee every single morning when I wake up. My main goal in life is to have an imprint on someones life or have an influence on the choices they make in life. I try to make the mistakes so others do not have to repeat my poor choices.