When I was younger, my mom was given a no button for Christmas. It was a big red button you could hit and it would say no in a bunch of different ways. The idea was she couldn’t say no to people, so the button could do it for her. My mom is wonderfully willing to help people and volunteer but that often causes her to commit to too many different things and become overwhelmed.
I always thought I would learn from her mistakes and not do this when I got older. Now that I am 20-years-old, I have found myself not only with the inability to say no but actively offering to do things that I know I don’t have time for.
By the last two weeks of the fall semester, I found myself juggling three internships, writing for the school newspaper, writing for and having a leadership role with HER campus, working at my on-campus job, helping friends with projects and school work, and of course finals which is a lot to begin with.
While these were all things I wanted to do, and I confidently believed that I could do it all; I will admit now that it was way too much. There were many nights with very little sleep, I didn’t get to spend much time doing things just for fun and by the end, I felt so burned out that even the work I enjoyed just felt so daunting. Even writing this article I put off until the very last minute.
In many ways, college is a time to say yes. It is the time to grab every opportunity and new experience that comes your way and take full advantage. However, as someone who has said yes a few too many times, here are some tips to know when and how to say no.
- Keep a well documented calendar. This was something I’m typically good about doing but became rather lax about this semester. Keeping a calendar gives you a good idea of what you have going on each day which makes it easier to not overcrowd any day with activities or due dates. It will also make sure you are able to prioritize the things you want to do. With the way my schedule worked I had limited time where I could go to the gym. Sometimes I would agree to have meetings scheduled during those times and then I would be disappointed that I lost out on that time for myself.
- Don’t always feel the need to say yes or no right away. Whether it be asking to cover someone’s shift at work or help a friend with homework, my first instinct is always to blurt out a yes because I feel bad saying no. Instead of feeling the need for one of these options, just say let me check my schedule, or I might be able to but first I have to see what else I have going on that day. This buys you a little time to consider if you really have time to take on this extra responsibility and also lets the person know that you are willing to help but it depends on other factors beyond just you wanting to or not.
- Don’t make time to relax and have fun be optional. Block out time to exercise, spend time with friends, read, paint your nails or whatever you do to relax and do not end up filling it with work. Burnout can sneak up on you and not taking the time to take care of yourself will not help you in the long run no matter how hard you are working.
- Don’t be afraid to say no. If you simply don’t have time to do something, don’t feel bad about saying no because you have to. However, sometimes you will be asked to do things that you could but simply do not want to. Don’t be a jerk about it but also don’t feel like no is not an option. You have to fill your life with the things that bring value and joy to it. While I believe that doing things to help others or taking on new responsibilities is a big part of that, if somebody asks you to do something and your gut feeling is no I don’t want to… that is ok!
Especially as we move into the holiday season and everyone will be juggling the stress and responsibilities that come with it, don’t be afraid to say no.