As the spring semester of my senior year is now halfway over, the mix of emotions that many others talk about is finally setting in. To be honest, half of me can’t wait for the semester to be over, while the other half agrees with my friend who says “I feel like I haven’t had enough time here.” It is these two conflicting feelings that make me ponder which one of the two I am feeling more.
Over the past year, I was consumed with the thought of graduating early and saving money. However, now that the time has come to where that is now a reality, it doesn’t feel right, in more ways than one. There are still so many aspects of life at St. Bonaventure that I feel like a stranger to, but, while that may be the case in some regards, the other half of me dreads every assignment, project, and final I have to get through before I can accomplish the very thing I thought I wanted all along.
However, these mixed emotions and thoughts about graduating and being done with college are not the only ones that I frequently think about.
In August, I would’ve told you that I imagined senior year being full of feeling stress-free, having easier classes and being able to build a routine that would involve working out and spending time with those I care about…that is not the case. You can thank my 19-credit course load which entails being on the main campus in classes from 9 a.m. to 7 or 8 p.m. which induces feelings of not only being stressed out but also feeling like each day flies by as I sit through classes all day long.
Then in my overthinking mindset, the next set of questions that float around are:
“When/should I go to graduate school?”: As someone who always wants to have a step-by-step plan in place at all times, I have aspired to go to PA school for several years. But now I wonder if that is still what I want to do. Lately, I ask myself if I would rather go to nursing school, get an MBA or MHA, get more experience in marketing, etc. Lastly, if I do decide on a graduate program, how long should I wait to apply?
Should I settle for any job or wait for something in my desired field?: As a Health & Society major with a minor in business administration, I worry that employers at the companies I would like to work at will have no idea what my major consists of and therefore believe that I am not qualified for positions I hope to have one day. Then there is the part of me that wonders if I should consider working as an EMT full-time, or maybe becoming a medical assistant in a hospital as a stepping stone. All I know is that I look at my peers who have their post-college plans all figured out, and I have to admit that it adds in feelings of added stress, worry and even sadness knowing that I don’t have a set-in-stone plan figured out yet.
While I may not know what the future holds, I try to remind myself that past experiences that I initially felt unsure or nervous about are the ones that lead me to believe afterward that I made the best choice and reassures me that life has a way of making sure you end up where you’re meant to be.