In honor of Valentines’ Day, I thought I would share my take on love languages.
The idea of ‘love languages’ was made popular by the 1992 book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Commitment to your Mate” and has since been discussed in a lot of popular media. You can even take the quiz to see which categories you fall into.
Essentially, it breaks down affection into these categories: gift giving, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and quality time. While these very commonly intertwine, usually people have a certain affinity towards one or two.
In preparation for Valentines Day, and this article, I retook the quiz and got quality time – no surprise there.
I love to run errands with my friends, go on car rides together or sit on silence together with quiet TikTok sounds humming in the background. I love to be with those I love more than words of affirmation or gift giving (even though all the five are important in most relationships).
Let me use my parents as an example. They have been married for 25 years and have two great kids – in short, they have a great relationship. But, early on into dating, they noticed the way they show love is very different from one another. My mom shows loves through words of affirmation (appreciation, statements of pride, compliments, etc). However, this was not a common way my dad showed love. My dad excels in the acts of service category (running errands for the family, loading the dishwasher, cooking a meal, etc). While it could seem like my dad was not “loving my mom”, he was, in fact, just showing it in a different way! Since then they have had a lot of conversations about balancing what one needs to feel loved and how to express that. A simple book turned into a wonderful conversation on affection.
It’s all about communication. And these love languages come with boundaries. I thrive off of quality time, but since my roommates and I are all so busy, it is hard to get a ton of time the four of us together, uninterrupted. That’s okay! It’s about cherishing the time we do have. Likewise, if a college student’s love language is gift giving, which is not a shallow language, they may need to have this one a bit on hold since most of their friends will be on a budget!
One small note I feel this quiz takes into account, as wonderful as it is, is the two directions of “affection”. A relationship, no matter whether it is romantic, platonic or familial, is a two way street – giving and receiving. While it does not need to be transactional, one person may SHOW affection in a different way than they like to RECIEVE it.
This Valentine’s Day, be your own valentine and have some great inner communication! How can you love yourself and others in a way that’s meant for you?