At the ripe age of 19, I consider myself old. But only myself.
When I look at my parents, I don’t think they’re old. Nor do I think my 23-year-old brother is old.
But I feel old.
When kids are little, they’re always asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
And sure, I was asked this too, and I came up with the typical answers: a vet, a teacher, a doctor, an artist. But I think a lot of kids are excited to grow up and try to do these things or grow up and figure out why they don’t want to do those things.
But not me. I never wanted to grow up. And I’m actually really upset about having to do that.
I remember telling my parents I wanted to stay a child forever. I wanted to live with them forever and never go to middle school or high school or college (I was forced to go to all, eventually).
Even at eight years old I was worrying about becoming an adult, having to pay taxes or buy a house or pick up the phone and order pizza for myself – something I still usually refuse to do.
Maybe this boils down to I am just a lazy person, but some of these are valid concerns.
Nobody wants to worry about paying energy bills or grocery shopping or unclogging drains. I just like to sit back and watch my parents do it for me. They already know everything, so why should I bother learning it to.
There are so many intricate details to being an adult. Little things you have to learn in order to look like a functioning member of society.
What order am I supposed to put my groceries on the conveyor belt? How do I know if my chicken isn’t pink in the middle?
How do I know if this email I’m about to send sounds bitchy or not? What’s my social security number?
Should I go to the doctor? How do I get this stain out of my jeans?
I thought that when you became an adult, all this glorious knowledge would be bestowed upon me all at once.
Not true.
Learning as you go is so annoying.
I’m turning 20 in a few months. As all my friends turn 20, I have asked them if they feel older. Most say no.
I know I will feel different when I turn 20. I’ll be sad.
I was sad when I turned double digits, and I was sad when I officially became a teenager. I was sad when I turned 16 and I was granted my learner’s permit. I was sad when I turned 18 and was legally an adult.
I don’t like getting older. Each year I’m reminded of all these scary things I’ll have to do soon. Get a real job, move out of my parent’s house, cook my own meals, start my own life.
As I have progressed through my life though, I have started to feel more prepared to have my own life. My parents and friends have reassured me that I will be fine. Though I don’t always believe them, I am starting to get excited about the next parts of my life.
Since I’m graduating next year, I have to learn all those adult things in a short amount of time. But I think I finally feel read to learn those things and move towards the bigger stuff in my life.