I turned twenty on January 7, 2024.
For the first time ever, I didn’t cry on my birthday. I realized there was life beyond ‘teenage-hood’ and began to understand that my future was a gift to be grateful for and excited about. It was the strangest experience I have ever had.
Since turning 20, I have taken time to reflect on everything I have learned about myself over two decades. I learned that I have spent far too much time in my relationships with other people focusing on them instead of me. I barely know who I am and that is not exactly a soothing thought. So, my “Birthday Resolution” (I hate the idea of New Year’s resolutions) is to understand myself better.
Part of learning about myself involves reflecting on what others have taught me. It turns out you gain a lot of knowledge over the course of 7,305 days.
I’m twenty, so here is a list of the most important things I know about life:
1. Reading and writing are the most important skills you will ever need in your professional life.
I think my dad says this to me 30 times a week, but he is certainly not wrong.
During my second collegiate English class, I was genuinely shocked to hear some of the essays my peers read to me and actually wondered how they made it to the class I was in, or, better yet, out of high school. Yes, they were that bad.
The fact is that people in our generation cannot write, and they certainly cannot read well.
One of the top things employers look for is if a potential employee can comprehend information and write sufficiently.
Writing is certainly not easy, and it is a skill that is never mastered, which signals that you care about the work you produce and have potential to grow. To read is to be willing to learn. It is a thirst for knowledge that is increasingly rare, but never unnecessary.
2. Being nice is hard, but well worth the effort.
I’m a hater. Or at least I was.
When I turned 20, I kind of had a realization that this hater sh*t I was going through was A) not cute, and B) not viable.
When I got back to school, I gave pretty much everyone I wasn’t a big fan of a clean slate. I got the idea from my mom who is nice to everyone, even people she doesn’t like, which makes her basically one of the most impressive people in my life (don’t worry Dad, you are too).
I would be lying if I said this was easy.
I am currently reading “The Love That Is God” by Frederick Bauerschmidt and one of my favorite chapters is about loving others. The author stresses the idea that loving one’s enemies is one of the stances on which people accept or reject Christianity. It sounds silly, but it really is that hard.
He introduces the notion of a “perfect hatred,” essentially saying that Christians have a duty to identify and hate wrongdoing and still love generously. Before Bauerschmidt introduces this idea, he discusses St. Catherine of Siena’s triangulation of love. Because humans cannot love God the way He loves us as a divine being, we must love God as he appears in our neighbors.
While these thoughts are difficult to process and rationalize, they have helped me immensely.
The worst that comes out of being nice is someone not being nice back, and, even then, you can find peace in the fact that you have done no wrong, and, in my dad’s words, you can “hope they get the help they need.”
3. Happiness > Pay.
I have worked at a sleepaway camp for three summers years of my life and will tell you flat out that my paycheck was certainly not a million dollars, but I have never experienced happiness like it in my life.
If you are miserable in what you do, quit and find something you love. It may take more work, but life is way too short to be stuck without happiness. It’s not worth it to stick with something you hate.
4. Who you choose to be your friends is one of the most important decisions of your life.
In another chapter of “The Love That Is God,” Bauerschmidt discusses friendship and frames the idea that the people you surround yourself with is an unfathomably important choice. While it seems really dramatic, it’s true.
Surrounding yourself with a variety of good people with high moral standards, goals, ideas and passions will make you a better person, and doing the opposite will, well, do the opposite.
5. Plastic surgery is always noticeable and almost never necessary.
If you know me, you know I hate plastic surgery.
Unless it is for an actual health reason, it is one of the most reprehensible things you can do to your body.
I am absolutely dying for someone to please explain to me what is so wrong about aging. Not only is it beautiful, but it’s normal and necessary to growth as a human. It wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t meant to.
Plastic surgery is ugly. I have yet to see someone it looks good on.
Bring back aging normally.
6. honor Yourself.
People pleasers, eldest daughters, “old souls” and academically gifted children- it’s our year.
When I turned 20, I learned that I really don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. I can say no to plans and don’t need a better excuse than “I don’t want to,” and there’s nothing wrong with that.
This year and for the rest of my life, I want to learn how to honor myself. I want to do what I want (within obvious limits) and live the life I deserve.
With a 20th birthday comes increased existential awareness and a whole lot of self-reflection. These lessons have impacted me greatly and each person who has helped me realize them has changed me immensely.
I have a whole lot of life ahead of me and a lot more lessons to learn and I am eager to do so.
Can’t a girl just do the best she can?
Mariners Apartment Complex- Lana Del Rey