My roommate recently became an RA, abandoning the room we’d shared together for several months. Now, I’m left with one of the largest rooms in Devereux Hall all to myself and at first I didn’t know what to do with myself. If someone ever walks out of your life, here’s what I’d recommend you do to get through it. This is how to live on your own after living on your own with another person:
1. Rearrange the room
a. Undoubtedly, your room was divided in some fashion into what you might call “your side” and “their side”. It’s important to move the furniture around and shake those old feelings off! Not only will a newly designed room be a symbolic first step into your new life as roommate-less, it’ll also break up that “side” mentality and help make the room feel more like “yours”. The ghost of your roommate will visit less often without a side to call his or her own. Rearrangement is also a great way to physically exemplify the mental shift of living alone – as you move that heavy dresser, you know that this is now your room.
2. Hang up some posters
a. On the flip side, while you can rearrange the room, things might feel a bit more lifeless once your roommate is gone, probably because one of the room’s lives will actually be gone. One dresser will be empty, one dress will have no books on it – there’s a lot of space to be filled and it’s going to feel empty if you don’t do something about it. A good first step is to hang up some posters. Posters help give all your room’s visitors a glimpse into who you are, and they’ll also help make the room feel a bit more lively – imagine walking into a room where the walls are barren and now imagine walking into a room where, spread throughout the walls, Michael Scott is saying inappropriate things to his workers. I know which room I want to spend time in.
3. Throw a housewarming party
a. You’re depressed. Curled up in a ball. Haven’t moved in days. The pain of losing your roommate is too much. How can you get over it? The answer is to throw a total rager – or as close to that as you can while living in a dormitory – to get that fresh start feel. You didn’t move, but in a way, you’re living somewhere different now – not “your and your roommate’s” room but “your” sole room. Bring everyone over so they can see the new digs and so there’ll be people around to keep you from wallowing in that depression.
4. Restock your fridge
a. Your roommate had snacks that you could pillage. You never had to worry about hunger when you had them around! All the candy and assorted jelly beans you could ever desire were inches away from you. Now, he or she gone, and suddenly you’re starving. Make sure to restock your fridge because you can’t plunder his or her snack crate anymore! Buy some of what you like, some of what your roommate had that you liked and maybe some new things just to give them a try. Don’t starve. Alternatively, you could just go to your ex-roommate’s new room and steal all of his or her food, but that’s a bit more “illegal”.
5. Make sure he or she has turned in the key.
a. After a while, you’re going to grow accustomed to the freedoms that come with living in a single. You’re never going to want to go back again – this is so much fun! I can watch Korean soap operas at 4:27 in the morning on a Tuesday without worrying about disrupting anyone’s lives but my own. It’s incredible! You need to personally make sure that your roommate has turned in the key so that he or she can never return. Sure, you miss him/her, and sure, you guys are still friends, but let’s be real: you can’t allow them to come back. Ever.
6. Get a cat
a. You can’t let them come back but you still miss having someone around to talk to and hang out with. Whatever can you do? Go out with your friends? Heavens no! Meet some new people? You better not believe so! Get a cat? Heck yeah! Getting a cat will combine all the fun of living with someone without all the social obligations of paying attention to their social needs. Do you think a cat cares about what time you watch Korean soap operas at? No. Can you talk to a cat about your problems? Yes. I think this one is a no-brainer.
7. Keep the lights on for an entire night because now you have the opportunity to do so
a. You’ve got all of this freedom now and it’s so abundant that you don’t know what to do with it. Whatever could you do? Keeping the lights on all night just screams fun to me. On the one hand, you get to rack up your university’s electricity bill – inconveniencing people is always silly, right?! But on the other hand, you get to assert your dominance – nobody’s going to stop you from keeping the lights on all night. If you can do that, you can do whatever you want. Nobody can stop you from following your dreams after that. The lights are nothing but the first step to a powerful, unshakable self-confidence.
8. Cry
a. Call the whambulance. You’re going to cry a lot, you nerd. Get over it. They’re gone. Move on.
9. Wipe your tears on his or her old mattress
a. Tissues are so expensive, though. They don’t need their bed anymore. I think you’ve found your new crying spot.
10. Contact Donald Trump about a real estate opportunity
a. Donald Trump has made multi-millions with his real estate empire. Now that he’s a… frontrunner… in the presidential election, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t missing out on golden opportunities all the time. Call him right now and tell him about the egg you’re sitting on – maybe a couple feet of prime territory in the middle of a dorm room in the middle of a dorm hall in the middle of a campus that is in the middle of nowhere. Donald Trump will eat that opportunity up, turn it into some sort of golf resort for geckos and turn a small fortune with it, and guess who gets to set the rent expense for such a resort? That’s right. You’re now a successful business person. Congratulations.
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