Over spring break, I spent a lot of time with my best friend back home.
Grace, said best friend, and I sat for hours just chatting the time away. We talked about anything and everything. I updated her on the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on since starting a new form of birth control. She filled me in on her journey of getting a new cat and the weird interactions she has had at work.
This time we spent gabbing (defined as talking at length, typically about trivial matters) was some of the best time I had over break.
This is not a rare occurrence either. You may assume that we only spent hours talking because we had to get caught up after a long time apart, but we see each other every week.
We have these chatting sessions weekly…we have these sessions any time we see each other.
This time that we spend talking about anything together is what makes our relationship so strong and meaningful to me.
This is a theme that I’ve seen in many of the female friendships that I have had a chance to observe, and I think it’s the most beautiful thing ever, but my boyfriend (my other best friend) is a guy, and I just don’t feel this connection when chatting with him.
My boyfriend has been subjected to MANY rants about anything that crosses my mind. People, things that bugs me, things he does, angry political rants and literally anything else that comes to my mind. He gets all of it.
I just don’t feel that flowing open emotional connection when chatting with him. I don’t think this is his fault or anything he does consciously, but there is a big difference.
I brought this up to my girl best friend and she said she got the same feeling with her boyfriend.
It just seems that the emotional reaction that I expect from someone who is listening to my rant is so different than what I am expecting.
I think this has a lot to do with the idea that guys think we speak to them looking for a solution or advice to remedy the situation.
This is not what I’m looking for. I am looking to spill every single thought in my head to you and you justify everything I say.
When I am yapping, I’m not looking for an answer to fix my problem or for someone to correct my actions. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m the one instigating the problem I have with a co-worker or that if I simply communicate all my problems would be solved.
NO! That’s not what I want.
My girl friends just get that. They understand that if they “ooh” and “aah” and give me some kind of gentle acknowledgment of what is happening, I feel understood and heard.
There is also a mutual understanding aspect of these conversations that I have with my girl friends.
When I speak about the frustration I am feeling for my boyfriend, Grace gets it. When I’m talking about my feelings about birth control, she gets it.
These are things we have similar experiences with. Even if she hasn’t been on the birth control that I am struggling with, she understands the anger that I feel about having to put my body through these horrible side effects.
These are things that my boyfriends can’t really relate to, and while he understands that sometimes I don’t want advice, there is always something missing in these types of conversations.
This is not an insult to my boyfriend’s listening skills or my comfort speaking to him, it’s just a different experience that I look forward to with my gal pals.