As I conclude my first year of college, I reflect on all that I have experienced. I have learned countless invaluable lessons — many of which took place outside of the classroom. I have noticed that college is a time when many discover themselves, especially in a romantic context. As college students, you have the ability to meet people you would not have otherwise met. For many, this can lead to unexpected friendships and sometimes romantic relationships. Below are the most important lessons I have observed from college relationships.
1) Timing is everything
For better or worse, timing is everything. I have known people who started or ended relationships solely due to timing. College is a challenging time for practically anyone to enter into a committed relationship. Between jobs, classes, internships and extracurriculars, it takes immense effort to prioritize another person. If you date someone from college, you may be from different hometowns. Conversely, dating someone from home may mean school years apart. My advice: there is never a truly perfect time for anything in life. If two people are willing to put time and effort into a relationship, it can be successful. On the same token, if a busy schedule or timing may inhibit a connection between you and someone else, do not start a relationship for the sake of being in one.
2) COMMUNICATE
This is a non-negotiable for me in all friendships and relationships. It is simple but often neglected. As an adult, it is important to express what is on your mind. You should never enter into a serious relationship with anyone if you cannot openly talk with them about anything, from the little details about your day to serious conversations. Communication is emotional maturity. My advice: don’t date those who can’t communicate.
3) KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS
Oftentimes, relationships are unexpected. This is a beautiful part of life, meeting people you didn’t even know existed and forming a connection. However, physical or emotional connection is not enough to make a relationship last. Ask yourself what you are hoping to get out of any relationship. What are the intentions of both parties? Date with purpose. My advice: Always be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship with someone. If you cannot think of substantial reasons, a committed relationship may not be the answer.
4) EMBRACE SINGLENESS
One of the most important life lessons I have learned is that happiness must come from yourself. If you are not content alone, simply entering a relationship will not make you happy. There is a stigma around being single, especially in your young adult years as your peers begin to enter into serious relationships. Despite this, being single is freeing. My advice: It’s better to be alone rather than in bad company. Protect your peace and protect your energy.
5) NEVER SETTLE
Another life tidbit I have picked up on from my incredible friends and family: never settle. Ever. Life is too short to settle for mediocrity. If anyone ever makes you feel like you are asking for too much in a relationship, drop them. You deserve everything you could possibly want (and more!) in a relationship. My advice: Come up with non-negotiables in relationships. Don’t settle until they are met and exceeded.