In seventh grade, I began a new adventure. I was finally in middle school, where I would have more freedom and more classes to gain interest in. I had to take some basic classes, like English and Science, but the one that I was the most excited for was Spanish.
My teacher, whom I wrote about last week, taught me to be curious about what I didn’t yet know. She taught my class what seemed like silly songs, like Señor Wolly’s “Billy La Bufanda”, but the fact that I distinctly remember watching this is proof enough of how influential is was for me.
I chose to take Spanish all through middle school and high school. As I considered majors to study, the one I knew I had to incorporate was Spanish. No matter what, Spanish was the thing that both challenged and encouraged me. Whenever I felt like I could not possibly complete an assignment, I remembered that I had literally just learned a new language! The fact that I took a conscious effort to further my education in something that helps me to communicate with more people makes me feel so proud.
In my first semester at SBU, I took Spanish 301 with Dr. Medrano. I may be biased, as he is the only Spanish professor I’ve had at SBU, but he made me feel seen as a student because he is an incredible educator. He gave me the confidence by the time I entered Spanish 303 with him in the spring to speak up in class more often and gain leadership skills. I know that I could have participated more, but I am still proud of myself for the efforts I made.
This is what I really want to talk about, though. I never quite feel like I should speak the language I’ve put so much time into learning whenever someone asks me to speak it. I don’t want to butcher the way I pronounce the words that were once foreign to me seven years ago. I want to show how much my teachers helped me to learn, and I’m always fearful that I will mess up and all my progress will be gone.
Every time I tell someone new that I have a minor in Spanish, the response is always something about how good I must be at the language. I don’t want to sound self-centered, but I do agree that my seven years of language progression have certainly paid off.
I never quite know what to say when asked to speak in Spanish. Everything leaves my mind and suddenly I can only think of the very basic introductions, which makes me feel undeserving of the minor. I feel like I always have to have the right response on the spot in order to gain the respect of others.
I feel like an imposter. I don’t think I know enough to claim this part of my introduction, but it’s something that makes me love learning, and that’s enough for me. As long as I have Spanish, I am able to connect with more people and grow in my own understanding of English. Spanish gives me the tools to grow and learn even when I feel inept.
I’m taking a semester off of Spanish this fall, and while it feels sort of refreshing to not have to wrack my brain for Spanish knowledge each time I write a paper, I’m worried that I will lose my skills. I have been trying to supplement this with watching TV shows in Spanish, but I’m fearful that I will soon fall behind.
I know that I don’t need to feel incapable with a language that I have worked so hard to learn, but sometimes it feels like I’m simply not the right person to show others a language I love so much.
This Hispanic Heritage Month, I want to grow in my Spanish skills and learn more about a culture that I still feel like I know little about. This month is one to help me grow a better knowledge about the valuable figures I don’t yet know. Who knows, maybe it’ll help me teach others something I never knew!