There are magical times and benchmarks in our lives that attempt to point us all on a collective path.
A lot of people I know try to have some kind of life plan. “Married by 26, kids by 28…” etc.
In reality I know that not every life event can be measured by some predetermined timeline. Not everyone goes through the traditional college, work and married life route at the same time, and some never go down that route at all.
But, I couldn’t help but wonder: are there some merits to the “traditional” life deadlines?
My first encounter with this dilemma was getting my drivers license where I was “behind” the usual due date. It was only less than a year ago when I finally passed my drivers test. In my defense, I never actually failed. Essentially, I passed my written exam, went through my state-mandated lessons and then COVID happened. It was months before I could actually take my official test and by the time it was safe enough and I was home long enough from college, the written test had expired. It also did not help that the times I was home I had horrible driving anxiety.
So the journey of 2023 began; restart the entire process. By July, I had finally done it.
Now, there were some pros and cons to this. For one, I felt behind my friends. The majority of people get their license right on their 17th birthday, where I was well-beyond freshly 20. Even during COVID, it felt as I was some kind of failure. On the other hand, when I took the test the first time, I passed. I finally had money to spend at the places I wanted to drive to. I finally felt confident behind the wheel at my “old age”.
This made me think back to when we do things perhaps earlier than expected. I had my first boyfriend at 14. I know this is closer to the social norms than other ages, but it felt wildly too early for me. Now, this is not to sound like a victim, and, all love to him, but being in a serious long term relationship from ages 14-16ish was deeply formative, and not all in a good way. Before I was used to high school level classes, we were a “we”. I didn’t even really know myself.
While some seem to long for a high school type of “young love”, I know I was still not in favor of this “deadline”. Maybe if it was later in high school I would have felt differently.
As I could have told you before my thought exercise, our “traditional life deadlines” do not mean much.
For some, they create a sense of celebration and unity. It can be something sweet to look forward to. However, when we put too much pressure on ourselves to meet the “socially accepted” timelines, it can become damaging. There is no “right time” to have your first kiss, first “real job”, get your first car or anything else. It’s YOUR life. Remember that no one else gets to dictate what is “normal”.