During the summer going into your first year of college, there’s always that one question that is thrown at you if you’re in a relationship by friends and way too many family members. “So, are you guys breaking up?” When you respond that you’re trying long distance, you’re advised against it, saying that it will never work out, and then applauded for being so courageous in trying. While it definitely isn’t always easy, here are some tips that I use to survive and even thrive in my own long-distance relationship.
#1 Have “the talk”
While this may be a difficult conversation to have, it has to be done to ensure that you two are on the same page. If you aren’t sure about “the talk” I’m referring to, it’s the one that most couples have before they go off. It usually involves defining the relationship status, and if it is decided to attempt long distance, what is needed to be done to maintain the relationship. One huge reason that many long-distance relationships fail so quickly is because each partner has a different expectation and vision of what needs to be done and what their future looks like together.
You both have to make sure that you are ready to put in the extra time, effort, and patience needed to keep the relationship going well. Each relationship requires a different amount of communication to be successful, but the more there is, the easier it is once you both are away from each other. For my boyfriend and I, this was a short conversation where we agreed that we liked each other enough to stay together when we left for college and then talked a little bit about what we could do to be able to keep the already-established connection we have.
#2 Keep up the communication
Now that you are away from your significant other, the difficulties set in. It’s time to implement the communication skills that were hopefully spoken about in your pre-distance talk. There isn’t a set amount of times you have to talk when away, since everyone values different amounts of conversation. With that, you both should call each other enough where you speak to each other as much as you did back at home, if not more.
For my relationship, my boyfriend and I call almost every night, usually after his classes are over. This gives us an opportunity to talk about our days and other moments we are looking forward to or dreading in the upcoming days. Sometimes, for a sense of normalcy, we just sit on Facetime and do our coursework in silence, similar to how we would do homework at each other’s houses in high school.
Sometimes when we have a lot to talk about, we will have virtual dinner dates together where we eat dinner in our dining halls with ear buds in. I also recommend investing in streaming platforms like Hulu, Amazon Prime, or any other platform that has a watch party option to create your own virtual movie date.
#3 Meet regularly (if possible)
While some moments can be nearly as special over call, nothing feels the same than when your significant other is in person with you. Given available transportation or the distance isn’t unreasonably far, try to plan out a vague schedule of when you visit each other.
While the frequency varies on your distance, my boyfriend and I alternate who visits whom and we visit each other around every three weeks to a month. We will break that and visit sooner if one has a big moment coming up in our lives. When we do visit the other person, we try to plan many fun moments jam-packed into a weekend. For example, last time I visited him, we went to a cat cafe, went shopping at the mall, went to an actual movie theater for our movie date, and so much more.