It is no need for me to sit up here and act like your absence is not hurting me. I am going to just dive right in. I yearn for your love and presence. I often see myself searching for love in other men. I just need someone to feel that void. You left me broken mentally. I do not think you understand how deep this cut is. It is like I am searching for my daddy in every man I come across.
I am searching for that love, shoulder to lean on, protector, provider beyond just giving me money but actually listening to my problems. It is so important that I heal from this wound. So, I can stop searching for love in all of the wrong places. I know it is going to take time however, I am not afraid of the process. I can admit I am broken. I can admit I search for you in various partners. You are suppose to set the tone of what a man is and should be. You are the first relationship I had with a man, because you are my father. How would I know if you were absent?
I accepted any and everything just to say I had someone. Often times I do not feel whole. I know that a piece of me is broken, because I didn’t have you in my life. I thought the situation would make me hate men and not want to be with any of them however, it pulled me in even more. I began lusting. I was so weak and vulnerable… I began searching for you… Why couldn’t you just be there? We were close when I was little then memories faded. No more pickups, gifts or phone calls Just broken words and absence.
I did not know who I was. Struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, and low-self-esteem. I did not think highly of myself. I felt like I was not worthy but now I am older. I understand… I understand the situation did not have anything to do with me but everything to do with you. I do not forgive you fully but i’m working on that. I know there’s other girls out there like me who do not have a father in there life. So, they search for love in all the wrong places. Wanting someone to feel that void they accept any and everything from a man or they began sexing, drugs, or other things to feel that void. That was me, but I prayed to God to stop it before it got too toxic. My only hope is that
God blesses me with someone the complete opposite as you, and he will. I do not hate you but instead I am going to pray for you… Hopefully you be there for my sisters. You have that relationship with them. I wouldn’t want them to end up like me. They deserve more and better. They should not have to go through sleepless nights full of tears, rage, and anger. So, be there for them. Be there peace. Be everything you was not to me to them.