This is a true story, anonymously provided to the Sexual Assault Awareness Team. The writer encouraged SAAT members, such as myself, to share her story. Specific details were removed to maintain the writer’s anonymity. This is the story of a St. Ambrose student:
One night. One night of being with friends. One night of partying. And one night that changed my life forever.
I still feel like it was just yesterday because sometimes it feels like it. It was the day that turned my world upside-down. Yeah, I said, “It could never happen to me. I am always responsible when I drink.” We all say it, but none of us know how often someone is taken advantage of at only 20 years old.
I went to a party with a friend and I knew all these people. My ex-boyfriend was supposed to be there, but he heard I was coming, so he left and an unexpected visitor came. The guy hosting the party said, “he was invited an hour ago when your ex was here.” I was okay with it; he looked somewhat cute and was a little bit older, which I was happy about because I was the only other 20-something year old in the room. We talked and flirted a bit and I was feeling the alcohol go down my throat easier and smoother. I knew I was getting drunk and he did too.
Hours past and everyone was going to sleep and I was out of it; I just plopped myself on the couch downstairs. I was the only one down there, or so I thought. This guy I didn’t know at all got on me and started kissing me, I was okay with it. He took a step further and I again was okay with it, but the moment I said stop and he didn’t I was not okay with it. I was so drunk and incoherent that I couldn’t move and push him off me. I had to lie there while he abused me, while he took away my dignity, while he took away my feeling of safety, and took away part of my happiness. I was ashamed and I kept blaming others and myself.
After that night, life got worse for me. My grades started to go down, my happiness went away or was faked, and my trust in guys turned into constant fear. The next time I drank again it all came at me at once. One minute I was having fun, and the nexr think I knew I was bawling, screaming, panicking, and having my mom come get me at 3:00am. That weekend, I saw the doctor and he diagnosed me with depression. He believes that what that guy did to me took away my happiness and took away my identity. It took me quite some time to come to terms of what I went through. I was raped. What I still think about to this day is whether or not it was planned.
Anyone who has gone through the same thing can find a way back to himself or herself again. Don’t let the other guy or girl win. You are stronger than them. Get revenge by rebuilding yourself.
Today I am a happy college student who is able to graduate in a year. I have been blessed with great friends and family who stayed by me and helped me return back to my normal self again. It has been months since the rape, and it’s been months since I have survived and rebuilt my life. I came out stronger.
I am a college student and I was raped by someone my ex-boyfriend knew.
If this true story evoked strong emotions or memories of something that happened to you or someone you care about, there are resources to help with those feelings. You can contact the 24-hour crisis line of Family Resources for a free and confidential consultation at their Iowa number, 563-326-9191, or thier Illinois number, 309-797-1777. The St. Ambrose Counseling Center has two counselors, Amy Scott (ScottAmyM@sau.edu) and Steve Tendall (TendallStephen@sau.edu), both of whom would be eager to meet with you. If you would like to become active in the awareness and prevention of sexual assault, Amy Scott is the supervisor of the Sexual Assault Awareness Team, which meets every other Thursday in the Beehive at 7:00pm. You can also search for SAU SAAT on Facebook and @SAU_SAAT on Twitter.
*This image was found at www.sodahead.com