Here at Her Campus, we love talking about boys. Why even hide it? We do it all the time. An over the week, in the middle of our 100000th discussion about guys and dating, a friend asked me this: “do you think male-female friendship is really possible?”. I said “No” almost without thinking. But then I actually thought about it. I keep hearing girls raving about their awesome-guy-best friend-who-would-do-anything-for-them-because-they’ve-been-friends-forever, but for some reason I have never heard the same thing from guys. Usually, I hear about the infamous “friendzone”. Does that mean that guys are ultimately only looking for more with their female friends? I asked my Facebook friends some feedback and I received lots of different takes on the question.
Girl: Of course it’s possible.
Guy1: It’s possible, but most of the time one will develop feelings for the other.
Guy2: I have friends who are girls and I never felt anything for them.
Guy3: Men and women are made to be attracted to each other. One can get feelings for the other and hide them, but they’re still there.
Girl2: One or the other will catch feelings at one point. They can be very subtle, but based on psychological studies, it will happen. And to answer the guy who never felt anything for his friends, who says one of them didn’t? I think it happens especially for close friends. There is no such thing as a platonic friendship for guys and girls.
Another friend (a guy) had a pretty thorough opinion on the subject: “Guy/girl friendship best works if they are not physically attracted to each other. If they are, they can still be friends! But they will eventually get physical, and then it can go 3 ways. It can turn into a relationship, a continued friendship with occasional (probably drunk) hooking up, or they become sex buddies. It can actually bring you closer if you hook up and still stay friends.”
As I expected, people have very mixed feelings about the question, but it looks like a majority think that one of the friends will eventually catch feelings. And I agree to this. In my opinion. as soon as the people involved are considered attractive by others, cances are there will be a physical attraction. If, on top of that, they share lots of moments together or talk a lot, it is inevitable to want more than just a friendship.
“Friends with benefits”:
I feel like this subject should have a whole dedicated chapter in the book of Guy-Girl friendship, if it existed. Lots of friends take this road as a solution to their mutual attraction, and believe it is the best of both worlds. I am not an expert, but from what I’ve learned, we girls have a hard time respecting the rules and end up getting hurt.
Adding sex to a friendship that you’re already comfortable in can make you fall in love, and chances are your friend isn’t feeling the same way. Guys can easily separate sex and feelings, while girls tend to tie them together. I learned this the hard way: if you’re going to engage in a “friends with benefit”s relationship, make sure you’re clear and honest to each other from the get go. And there are things you just have to avoid: cuddling, spooning, texting all day, talking on the phone for no important reason, take long walks on the beach, go on dinner dates or movie dates, hold hands…Oh, you already do that as friends? Sound like a relationship to me…
My conclusion is: platonic friendship between guys and girls is only possible if there is no physical attraction whatsoever. It doesn’t mean that you must only be friends with someone if you find them ugly, but it does mean that you should be careful with the way you carry that relationship, so nobody get hurts!