I have buried this story for years and I will finally bring this to the surface. It happened to me, it was a friend, or well, someone I thought was a friend.
I went to visit my “friend” who had a crush on me and I honestly thought I could have some sort of feelings for him. We hung out my car that night and just held conversation.
The conversation was going great, until something shifted. I was not sure if it was me and I let him believe that what he was trying to do was okay. It did not go as far as he thought it would, but I was still traumatized, I screamed, and I cried.
When everything went back to normal, he got scared after what he did, and he ran home. I could not move, I was stuck and the number one thing I thought about was that I could not tell anyone.
I felt as though if I told anyone, my family, even my friends that I would be judged, that they would think less of me, and I was judged. I told one of my friends and he said, “It was your fault”, “You did not fight him hard enough and you should have done more.” I thought he was right, it was my fault, what happened to me was my problem. I carried that burden for two years.
I stayed away from guys, I thought if I was friendly to guys, it would send the wrong message, or that it would happen again. I shamed myself for a long time and I was trapped in a space that I was not ready for.
I met a friend that understood; she helped me realize that it was not my fault, that I could talk whenever I was ready and if I let this evil consume me, I would never heal.
I have healed. I have become better, I am able to breathe again. I can talk about this without crying and without feeling less than, without people feeling sorry for me or giving me the pity face.
My message to all of you is speak out when you are ready, but do not hold back. Do not let the evil win. It is your story and it is your truth. Speak out, speak loud, and speak to who you trust. Do not forget to love yourself.