When people ask me who I aspire to be like, they are often confused when I tell them my inspiration comes from my younger brother. My brother has been the biggest pain in my life but also my biggest blessing, (don’t worry Cailin, Patrick, and Meggie this includes you too). My purpose in life has been clear to me since I became an older sister; to protect my siblings from harm and care for each of them when they need me. That is still true today and that will never change. When I found out there was something I couldn’t protect my brother from, I could not have felt more helpless and selfish for thinking it affected me more than it did for him. Before I write any further with this article I want to make it clear, this is not my story to tell. There is absolutely no way I could ever project the feelings and experiences my brother went through, but this is how I saw things. This is how my brother changed my life.
It was the day after Saint Patrick’s Day, I was just returning from spring break of my freshman year and was putting my luggage back into my dorm at Saint Mary’s. My family’s life changed forever the minute I picked up my phone. It was my dad. He told me the news from the doctor, my brother’s tumors in his thigh were malignant; my brother, 17 years old, was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma, Cancer.
I couldn’t understand the words that were coming from my father; I didn’t care about the process of finding out about his diagnosis. The only thing I wanted to know was if my brother would be okay and would live. When I asked him, there was a silent pause over the phone that felt like the world was collapsing on my heart. The white noise in the background was the only thing I couldn’t block out of my mind. My father said, “they caught it early” and that was that. We talked about the diagnosis and treatment began.
So there I was sitting in my room, surrounded by taped up pictures of memories from my childhood and high school painted around the walls of my dorm. There was this picture of my brother and me that for some reason I had always cherished. It was taken in ’97, we were both young and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our newest sister but for the time being it was just him and me. It is not even the best picture of us, our eyes are squinted from the sunlight with a smeared, candid smile and smirk spread across our faces. We were sitting on a piece of wood with the skyline of Chicago in the background and Lake Michigan lying gracefully on the shore. It was a time of sweet innocence and peace, it was a time where it was unthinkable that a sweet and adorable little boy would go through something so horrible. In that moment of realization, I cried and did not stop crying for months.
My job was to protect him and stay strong for him. But that didn’t stop the nightmares and stress that filled my mind every night and everyday. Everything that he would have to give up and miss out on ran through my mind everyday. 17 is the age of freedom in our lives, we are not yet adults but somehow we are discovering the world as an independent. Freedom was put on pause for my brother as he grew weak, more sick, and restricted from certain activity. My life went on and his seemed to be slowly taken away from him through each treatment and hospital stay.
Months later, I couldn’t be more astonished about my brother’s attitude through the whole cancer treatment process. Never in my life have I ever seen anyone display so much strength, integrity, and a positive attitude the way my brother did. At 17 my brother was the most selfless person in the entire world, he asked for those not to worry about him, he refused special treatment, he wouldn’t accept gifts from the hospital (although a donated iTunes card or two always came in handy for those long hospital stays). At one point he wanted to turn down the Make A Wish Foundation because he felt that other children deserved their wish to come true more than he did. My brother deserved much more than he believed; yet he held his head and dignity up high so you could do nothing but admire him.
My brother is now living the life he deserves, he is healthy and in college and I’m assuming living up his time that he has been blessed to live. Cancer did not define my brother, he will never be known as “the cancer kid”, he will always be known through his friends and myself as the guy who stood up strong and tall when the world was crashing down on his shoulders. My brother is my inspiration on how to treat others and how to look at the world in a positive light, even when you are surrounded by darkness. He has taught me to be thankful and treat everyone who comes into your life as a blessing, he has taught me that life is hard but it is your job to stay alive and push through the tough times. I have learned that money and power do not make happiness and treating others without respect or crushing their sprits will not give you the upper hand. If everyone saw the world and treated each person the way my brother treats people who enter his life, I truly believe the world would be a better place. Everyone has a life to live, but it is how we choose to live it that defines us and makes us different. My brother is my hero and I love him more than anything in the entire world and thank God every night as I go to bed that I will wake up and he will still be here.