Over Fall Break this semester, I caught myself telling my mom that I would check on something once I got “home.” I immediately felt as though I needed to apologize and explain at the same time, because in using the word “home,” I wasn’t talking about my hometown in California; I was referring to Saint Mary’s.
The word “home” isn’t only a warm and welcoming word. Sometimes, it’s a pretty scary one. Interestingly enough, the fact that I came all the way to Indiana from a little town in California almost forced me to think of this school as my home right away. By the second week of school, the walk home from the dining hall, the library, or Notre Dame’s campus always ended in relief that I was finally “home” to my room. I was quick to assure my relatives who called me that I felt at home here. And I guess that by Fall Break, I really thought of Saint Mary’s as my “home.” You could say that I’m one of the girls who became accustomed to school here easily; one of the girls who had a simple time making the “transition” that they talk about during Orientation.
But in all honesty, that would not be true. You see, I can call Saint Mary’s College my “home” all day long, but that doesn’t make me completely comfortable here, nor does it mean that I am totally in love with it just yet. i think the simplest way to put it would be that I don’t have it all together.
I remember listening to girls in my hallway rave about Saint Mary’s. I remember watching them love it. And i remember admiring them as they called Saint Mary’s “home” and wishing that I’d found it to be as perfect and wonderful as they found it to be. And then I realized that I called it home too. The thing is, the freshmen girls who seem so very confident here are transitioning with the same difficulties as everyone else. Even those of us who call this school “home” already are adjusting just like everyone else.
College is actually hard. Studying is stressful, managing time is sometimes impossible, and choosing to write a philosophy paper rather than spend four hours on twitter is not enjoyable and oftentimes not successful when attempted. And – news flash – no first year student here is having an easy time. Not the girls whose sisters, aunts, mom and grandmother went here and who have grown up as smick chicks. Not the girls who showed up the first day and seemed to fall in love with their school and their hallmates right away. Not the girls who call Saint Mary’s “home.”
As I’ve spoken with the girls who have already experienced a year or two here, their response to the general feelings of doubt or lack of confidence that they know freshmen are experiencing has been literally the same every time. Each Saint Mary’s student says that it just takes time; that it’s alright not to feel at “home” quite yet.
If I could consolidate all of the words of advice that I have heard from upperclassmen, professors, RAs, and others here at Saint Mary’s into a single phrase, it would be: have faith. Have faith in your professors, have faith in your classmates, have faith in God, and have faith in yourself.
I have faith that on a break in the future, I will tell my mom that I’m going “home” to Saint Mary’s and feel at peace with saying it. Most importantly, have faith in Saint Mary’s College, because in time it will become “home,” not just in your words, but in your heart.