The Saint Mary’s classroom is a fascinating place. It’s where extroverts meet introverts, seniors meet first years, and scientists meet philosophers all for the same common goal: checking another gen ed class off of the Sophia checklist. Oh and for like, getting an education and changing the world and empowering women and stuff.
No matter your major, hometown, or favorite Sex and the City character, you’re bound to run into one of these types of girls in your classes. And if you haven’t met her yet, chances are it’s you.
The Talker
I’m all for small talk. Okay, not entirely true. But I’ll tolerate it. However, when the professor is speaking or when class discussion is going on, that is not the time or place to ask me where I bought my scarf, or what my favorite pen to write with is, (BIC round tip) or what I did over the weekend (Obviously went to Finni’s, #21). Also noteworthy in this category: the girl who asks “what’d he say?” after every sentence the professor says.
The Cougher
The only thing worse than being the cougher is sitting next to one. You simultaneously feel horrible and want to give them a hug and a cough drop and chicken noodle soup, but at the same time are waiting for your magic powers to kick in where you can shut someone up if you glare at them long enough.
The “I’m Taking Notes on my Computer”
Really? I see right through your Google Doc and know you’re up to something. No one takes notes that hurriedly, so you’re either writing a paper for another class, or going to town talking on iMessage. Also, what’s new on Buzzfeed today? I saw you open that up, too.
The “I Write Every Single Word Down”
My hand cramps just looking at you. I commend your dedication to learning about Darwin and the Galapagos, but I don’t think the fact that our professor named his dog Darwin is going to be part of the exam. But hey, can I look over your notes before the exam?
The “I Write Absolutely Nothing Down”
Either you have the best memory in the entire world, or you give zero *cares* about Psychology. Either way, I think I’m a little jealous and generally confused by you.
The I Wear Notre Dame Spirit Wear to Class Every Day
You are single handedly responsible for keeping the Notre Dame bookstore afloat, and I am sure they are eternally grateful to you and your collection of noodies.
The Scheduled Bathroom Break
There’s one of two things going on here. 1. You have the most punctual, efficient bladder of anyone I’ve ever come across or 2. You have a strong aversion to being inside a classroom from 11:23-11:27. Either way, I’m watching you.
The One Who Actually Did the Reading
I have a love/hate relationship with you. I can’t even find the time to binge-watch Netflix anymore and here you are reciting exact quotes from the book without even using Sparknotes. Like, how? Also, thanks for being my crutch and allowing me to say “Yeah I totally agree with ___. I thought the same thing.” Participation points for the day…check.
The One Who Gets Dressed Everyday
I’m sorry. I’m lucky if I wake up with enough time to pee before leaving LeMans. You look like you just hopped off the cover of the Seventeen magazine, and I’m crossing my fingers hoping no one calls me out for wearing the same sweatshirt two days in a row.
Oh talkers and coughers and note-takers and fashionistas, thanks for being you.