I was once asked if I believe that the earliest stages of love constitute an obsession. The question made me consider if all falling-in-love experiences are obsessive, or is obsessive love a more “true” love than the non-obsessive?
Love as an emotion is so insatiable that at some point it will develop into an obsession. Though love cannot necessarily be considered an obsession in all cases, it is unquestionable that some level of obsession exists in most romantic relationships.
Sultan Tarlaci published an article titled The Brain in Love: Has Neuroscience Stolen the Secret of Love? In which, Tarlaci indicated, “Everyone accepts that up to a point love is an obsessive condition. The lover constantly thinks about the beloved. In the case of head- over-heels love, this may occupy about 85% of waking time. The desire to see and touch the beloved is constantly repeated in their thoughts” (747).
From Tarlaci’s statement, it is clear that the earliest stages of love constitute as an obsession. His scientific research reveals,“Passionate love is an obsession, and from the point of view of serotonin chemistry it lasts around 12- 18 months,” (748).
Such an obsession not only exists in early stages of a romantic relationship. In the case of unrequited love, Tarlaci wrote : “Each rejection provokes a protest in the lover, and then follows an obsessive desire to regain the beloved. This is because the source of reward and pleasure is about to be lost,” (750).
To say that all falling-in-love experiences are obsessive is to fall into the fallacy of dicto simpliciter, or a sweeping generalization. Nevertheless, from the evidence provided above, it is hard to miss the fact that obsessive experiences definitely exist in most cases of love. Even if that is the case, when it comes to questioning which is more true and will last longer between obsessive and non-obsessive love, a conclusion can’t be made only because of the complexity of love itself. Every lover shares different circumstances and whether their love is obsessive or not, there are still more important factors that will affect the relationship, and how the relationship lasts will be directly influenced by the individuals.
Tarlacı, Sultan. “The Brain in Love: Has Neuroscience Stolen the Secret of Love?” NeuroQuantology, vol. 10, no. 4, 2012, doi:10.14704/nq.2012.10.4.581.