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How To Deal With Loneliness

Loneliness and feeling excluded are things that probably everyone has felt in their lives, and it’s not a good feeling. Waking up and seeing that your friend went out without you, or not knowing if you should talk to someone because you don’t know if they’re busy and don’t want to be a drag, walking behind a group of people because all of you don’t fit on the sidewalk, etc. I still struggle with this sometimes and I’m sure the feeling is always going to be there from time to time, but feeling lonely has also had some good effects on my life. I grew on the inside, I learned to appreciate my alone time, I learned about myself and how loneliness can have a positive impact on my personal life. I learned what it is that makes me feel lonely, and its meaning. Feelings are inevitable, so even if loneliness can have a good side to it, the feeling itself is not the best and it’s something present- especially in college. 

So, if you are a lonely boi, here are some tips: 


1. Loneliness is a feeling, not a fact. 

Loneliness is a temporary feeling. Try to identify those moments when you know you’ll feel lonely and plan something to do, even if it’s just by yourself. 

2. Keep yourself busy. 

I find myself feeling at my loneliest when I don’t have anything to do, with or without people so… get a job, join clubs, work on some personal projects, study for your classes. Even if I don’t have company, being distracted can keep this feeling away.

3. Go somewhere else.

If you find yourself in your room alone with nothing to do or without motivation, grab a book, your computer or whatever you’re working on and go to a coffee shop- or anywhere with people around, even if they’re strangers. First, you’ll notice how many people there are on their own as well which can make you feel better and second, you won’t be a sad lonely boi in your room thinking about how no one likes you. Instead, you’ll be in a coffee shop reading or doing something interesting and nurturing yourself. Make that lonely time time for yourself and your wellbeing. 

4. Put yourself in the other’s shoes

They are not thinking “oh, let’s not invite them, they suck”. If you notice some of your friends are hanging out and you’re not there, they most likely met up spontaneously and forgot to mention the hangout to you. It’s most likely not personal; people are clumsy and forgetful. It might come up as inconsiderate and sometimes it might be, but there’s a big chance they just forgot. It happens! 

5. Understand it’s not you…or them.

Don’t think its personal if someone doesn’t invite you over to hang out. You are fine the way you are. If you want to hang out with someone just hit them up, and I know that is not as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you don’t want to be a bother, but maybe try and take a chance once in a while. They most likely want you there so don’t get upset if they don’t invite you over, next time make the plans yourself and invite them over to yours. No one is trying to make you feel excluded, you are great, keep repeating that to yourself!

6. Don’t overthink it!

If you notice your friends didn’t invite you over to hang out, don’t go to them and be like “wtf dude why didn’t you invite me over?” Try to understand my last point and move on with your life. You can ask smoothly if they could hit you up to hang out. You’ll probably realize they actually did just forget. Don’t be petty about it, nobody likes that. No one has the actual responsibility of inviting anyone over even if not getting invited is upsetting. Try not to make a big deal out of it, you are a beautiful, independent person.

7.Make a good playlist

Playlists are always a good way to pass the time- you get to discover new music, and it’s something you can pass along to you friends once you finish! If you don’t know what to do at that coffee shop or if you are alone at home, making a good fucking playlist is always nice.  

8. Sleep 

If you nap you don’t feel lonely cause you’re asleep. I’m that kind of person who is not able to nap but if you have that talent a good nap can lift up your mood. 

9. Let yourself feel upset

Even though I keep repeating to myself that “it’s not a big deal, they just forgot, you are fine and whatever”, sometimes the feeling is there anyways and there’s nothing you can do about it. Let yourself feel lonely, upset, sad or whatever you’re feeling. It’s natural and that’s what moves all of us forward. 

10. If you notice someone is feeling excluded and/or lonely, hit them up, go get coffee with them, listen to some good music together, talk about your own loneliness. A “hey, how’s it going?” text is always appreciated. 



Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749

Born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Current Film and Video student at SAIC.
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