Earlier this week, a friend from home called me late at night. With an upsetting tone they told me that they found out their ex had started seeing someone new. They had broken up a long time ago, A LONG TIME.
I was surprised to hear from that specific friend how upset they were. Ever since the break up, that same friend had been expressing how much of a better person they’d become because of the break up. Was it just a façade this whole time? Had they just been secretly obsessing over their ex these whole time? They claimed that it wasn’t their ex that made the situation hurtful, it was their ego. “It was like an ego smash ,” in their own words.
I I’d be a lying if I said I couldn’t relate to their situation. It seems like this situation has happened multiple times among the people in my life, and to myself as well. Sometimes, the real reason why I can’t move on from someone is because I can’t get over the fact that I’m not good enough for them to stay. Of course, a lot of times breaks-ups include a lot of factors where the breakup can’t be simply concluded to one single reason. Yet, when stuck in the moment with intensive emotions, all I can think about is how I am not enough.
I am still surprised that my friend was so upset after all this time. They continued on with typical breakup lines that sound terrible out of context like, “I’ll admit that I was a bitch when I was in that relationship, I know it [the breakup] was a better choice for both of us,” and she kept going, “but you know what really sucks? It is the part that I can’t believe my ex who is seeing someone so much prettier than I am and I am still here crying over this long dead relationship”.
It was almost bleak for me to see an ended relationship getting the best of my friend. We are often so confident after a breakup that we’re going to live a much better life than our exes. It’s to the point that one’s life after a break up becomes a life-time competition with our ego on the bidding table. Yet when we lose the competition seeing our exes “winning,” we don’t know what to do with our ego.
Sometimes it hurts the most when we thought had something special in that relationship and then realized that we are just an other person passing by. It hurts a lot when you think that maybe you were not as good or as unforgettable as a partner than you thought you were.
We heard and related to all of those lines from every breakup songs existing. With so much sadness or even hatred, we get stuck in this dark hole, forgetting why we even loved in the first place. Sometimes, we even lost ourselves. My friend had provided me with a good example, “I don’t feel like myself every time I see that person, even after all these time, I still freak out. I feel obsessed”.
The point about being in a relationship, if my opinion is asked, is not only for the companionship, but also to risk it with our hearts. Maybe we ended up getting heart burned because of some decision we made, but we still learn. Breakups can be a good thing if put in that way, it’s a kind of experience that help us learn about life, love, relationships and ourselves.
Maybe, just so maybe, you can think, “you will be less upset when you see your ex happily walking down the aisle with their new partner. Maybe then you will see the good in goodbye.”