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Sex + Relationships

Barbie’s Weekly Tea! Getting Over Someone Without Obsessing

If you ask what the worst part of any break up is (friendships, relationships- you name it), I’d say getting over the person afterwards is always the worst. Still crying about my middle school best friend who I don’t talk to anymore, I have no doubt that I’ve had a tendency of being overly attached to people in my life, and that may not be the finest quality I have. 

I wonder where the fine line lies between being emotionally attached and an obsessive stalker? Sometimes, when I go back to how I interacted with people at a past point of my life, I get scared by my own behaviors. Every time I told myself I would not be acting like a text book “crazy-ex” again, it seemed that when the flood of emotion attacks me I just lose all of my control.

Having made enough mistakes, I have learned the importance of self-control  and respecting other’s boundaries. While I am practicing, it is still very hard for me to accept fact that the relationship is over, and no matter how important I thought I was to that other person’s life, I am not. The fear of admitting the hurtful fact and move on became one of the main reason I’ve been having trouble getting over people who are no longer in my life anymore. 

I hold on to the good memories, and think, “maybe things could be different”. Yet they always just seem to be a one-way wish. Most people don’t get as attached as I do, so maybe most times, when I was crying over the death of a relationship at 3 AM in the morning, they have already moved on and met better relationships. At the end of the days, it always turns into a one-man-show with no one watching or even (unfortunately) caring about what is going on (just because I have cried about it to the same lyrics too many times to everyone around me). 

Emotions are like a broken TV remote, they can’t just be turned off or switched to another channel whenever you want to. You can’t force it, but with a few tricks it’s still manageable. Again, everyone has their own way of behaving in a relationship. However, I have found certain behaviors of mine  do cause pain for myself and I am not at all enjoying my own behavior in this way. I would argue that I’m not  crazy but a little petty…beep. I can hear my friend who gave me the most insightful advice saying that, “No matter how much you say that wasn’t yourself, it is still you who acted like that, and you have to accept it”.  

Just like any addiction, being aware of the negative impacts is always the first step. Now, I don’t know if I will have to go over the 12 steps to quit a person, but I want to believe that no matter how long it is going to take, time is the best medicine to healing. Maybe for me it’s going to take years to truly get over someone, maybe I just never will (I would really hope that is not the case). Nevertheless, it is the result and process that matter, and from my mistakes I am still learning and trying to be less of a creepy stalker than I already am. 

SAIC 2021, Korean/Chinese, Painting student
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