I don’t know how the weather is where you are right now, but here in Chicago it’s getting chilly. There’s something weird about me- whenever the air gets cold, instead of wanting to get a new sweater and get comfy, I want someone to hold to keep me warm.
After a considerably long period of living a single lifestyle, I thought at this point I would already be used to a lack of romantic interactions. Yet, I still get lonely. Despite all the friends and family in my life, I want someone else to love. Most of the time during the year, I am completely fine- if anything even glad to be on my own. I love being single and having all kinds of freedom and possibilities, or at least, that’s what I tell myself.
Experience and friends tell me I am not alone in this kind of situation; the thing is the majority of us get lonely from time to time. Loneliness is one of the most natural and common human feelings, yet it has been portrayed in such a negative way. It is underrated in its importance in emphasizing that human beings are social animals. Just like wolves, we live in groups and no matter how much of a loner some of us might think we are, we still need interactions.
But if we are just social animals, it must mean that being in a social group such as friend group or any community would be enough for us, so why do some of us still crave the companionship of a partner? In my case, I blame all those rom-coms that got my hopes high. Whenever things get hard in life, we tend to seek romance for some sort of comfort, and we believe that love will give us a happily ever after. These illusions have made people think that love is the most beautiful and heart-felt feeling there is, that it will be as sweet as a cotton candy. The thing is cotton candy can rot your teeth if you don’t brush them! It is negated by many that a romantic relationship is not all about the sweetness, it has its sour and bitter aspects also, especially if you can’t manage it well for whatever reason.
There is another thing that always “triggers” my loneliness, which is my imagination going on about lost potential partners. It seems like every one has the ‘one that got away’ in their life at some point where they saw an infinite potential with that person. However, things usually don’t work out the way we day dream them to. Sometimes, it is not the person we love, it is imagination of all the possibilities and potential that gets to us. It is always that potential that makes me crave for romance and love, and makes me feel lonely in my dating life.
I bet you are probably wondering the same thing I am wondering. So, what am I supposed to do now that I realize how lonely I am? Should I maybe just go start tinder again? The thing is, I can’t give the answer nor can I speak for anyone but myself. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms when it comes to loneliness, or really just any other emotion as well. In this case, some might prefer to go out and meet new people, some might choose to distract themselves with other things going on in life- there is no right answer to this. All I can say is whenever you feel lonely and loveless, it doesn’t matter for what reason (maybe everyone else around you is going on dates, maybe your best friend just got married and you still haven’t even had a stable relationship), don’t feel bad about yourself. Know that it is such a natural and justified emotion that we as human have. It is part of the experience of being social animal, so embrace your loneliness, and enjoy life in every way you can!
Now if you will excuse me, I am going to cope my loneliness with some cozy comforters and a Christmas album that is too early to listen to for Christmas (but, who cares).