Forget making new friends, living with strangers, or taking challenging classes. The biggest obstacle for an incoming freshman that has a significant other is maintaining a long distance relationship. The transition from seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend every day to only seeing them on school breaks is extremely difficult. Rae, a freshman at Sacred Heart, has been able to make it work!
Rae Ettienne, a freshman on the women’s Division 1 basketball team, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend Curtis for almost three years. While Rae is playing basketball and going to school in Connecticut, her boyfriend is back home in Maryland. Because of her rigorous schedule, she only gets to see Curtis on breaks, and even that time is restricted. “Basketball has really limited the time I get to see Curtis,” she said. “Some breaks we don’t even get to go home for because we’re playing, and our winter break wasn’t even a week long.” Even though she does sometimes get depressed about not physically being with him, they constantly text, talk on the phone, and Facetime.
Distance is obviously the hardest thing that Rae faces with her relationship. “Sometimes the distance can cause tension that wouldn’t normally be there if I could see him every day,” she said. This tension can lead to problems within the relationship, but nothing too major. Both Rae and Curtis have had to sacrifice things to keep their relationship alive. “I lose a lot of sleep and free time, but it’s worth it,” Rae said.
As anyone could imagine, being around people who take for granted having their significant others at school with them is wicked annoying. “It bothers me when friends complain about their boyfriends that they get to see every day,” she said. “I definitely cherish all the time I have with Curtis when I do get to see him. I really don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.”
From my own experience of being in a long distance relationship and from Rae’s interview, I’ve compiled a list of 5 things every long distance relationship should do in order to keep the romance alive and keep the trust between one another.
- Plan time once a week to FaceTime – don’t expect him to drop everything he’s doing every night in order to call or FaceTime you. Instead plan a designated time once or twice a week that you’re both free and FaceTime. It’ll give you both something to look forward to, and then you won’t be upset if he doesn’t call you every night.
- Give him his space – if he has a big test or is watching the game, offer to stop texting him for a while. Even though you don’t get to physically see him every day you’re probably still texting him 24/7, and that is just as draining. Sometimes it’s just nice to be alone, and I’m sure he’d appreciate you offering rather than having to ask for that alone time himself.
- Always be honest – if you want to go to the party at the baseball house– then go to the party! But, tell your boyfriend that you are making an appearance. When my boyfriend or I go out we have a 20-minute rule. Always text back within 20 minutes. It may sound silly but it really helps the person that is just staying in their room that night. My boyfriend always likes knowing that I’m okay when I go out since he can’t be there.
- Be honest if it’s not working – if every text message or phone call you get results in an eye roll from you then this probably isn’t the relationship for you. If you’re not willing to put in the effort and if you feel like you’re sacrificing more than you’re gaining, then you should probably rethink the relationship as a whole.
- TRUST, TRUST, TRUST! – Without trust there is no genuine relationship. Don’t bring any baggage into this relationship– especially if it’s long distance. It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend from 9th grade cheated on you with your best friend. This doesn’t mean that your boyfriend who loves you is going cheat on you. Trust in what he tells you; believe that if he says he’s going somewhere that’s where he’s going. Unless he’s given you a reason to doubt him, don’t.