Looking back at this past year, my life looks like a kaleidoscope of memories, none of which I can quite make out as they all fade together like a foggy fever dream- I’ve never had a fever that’s lasted quite this long.
For me, the world shut down on Thursday, March 12, 2020. I’m kind of jealous of those of you who had a class that Friday; you had a whole 24 hours of freedom more than me. One year has passed and yet I can still remember that last day so clearly. We were choosing our third-year courses in my morning lecture and I couldn’t hide my excitement for all the studio labs I could take the following year. I didn’t know yet that those studios would be confined to the four walls of my bedroom.
Everyone kept checking their phones as different universities were releasing statements that their classes were cancelled indefinitely, our heads kept bending down to look at our screens waiting in anticipation for Ryerson to make one as well- you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.
I remember what I was wearing, what I had for lunch, who I hung out with and what I did at work. My hair was straight and the air was warm. The smell of Spring lifted all of our moods and for the first time in a long time, I felt invincible.
In the beginning, everyone kept talking about how “We should’ve done more when we had the chance,” but I’ve come to learn there is nothing more I could’ve done. Feeling guilty for not knowing the world would suddenly stop turning tomorrow is a burden I don’t want to carry with me anymore.
There is nothing more I could’ve done. Do I wish my pre-pandemic life had lent itself to more adventures and crazy endless nights? Maybe, but that wasn’t my path at the time and I’m grateful for the moments I did have. My life was moving along naturally, like calm ripples on the ocean with its highs and lows, and eventually, as the wind picked up, those ripples would turn into waves. Except, of course, during a climate crisis, the weather can be unpredictable. The winds stopped and I didn’t get my waves.
I’m not sure what that analogy was, but what I’m trying to say is we didn’t do anything wrong. I was taking every day as it came, making memories with my friends and setting myself up for all the successes I would go on to have that year.
This past year has taught me a lot. It’s shown me that the world can bend and bruise, but we will never break. We will continue to stand for what’s right, and fight to change what isn’t. We will create online empires if in-person movements aren’t possible and we have the power to make our voices heard, even if we have to do it on Tiktok.
During the pandemic, I’ve had some of my greatest accomplishments, though they’re easy to overlook when every day looks the same. It’s hard to feel fulfilled when you’re not physically seeing the results of your actions and I learned to internally validate all my successes because no one else could.
I’ve spoken to some friends about the biggest lessons they’ve learned as they reflect on the pandemic, one year later. I will keep them anonymous, but here is what they had to say:
“Gratitude. Gratitude for my life, my family and friends, and for my health. Gratitude for the experiences I did have pre-pandemic, and for the resilience and patience I’ve gained throughout this year.”
“I’m proud of myself, more than I ever have been before. It was hard, it still is hard, but we’re doing it. Look at us!”
“To say it’s been easy would be a lie. This has been anything but easy. My mental health has suffered, and some days it’s all too much. That’s what makes the good days even better.”
“Give up control. The world is unpredictable and the only thing we can control is our reaction to things.”
The pandemic, one year later: what has it taught me? It has taught me to hold on just a little longer even when there is no end in sight because in the blink of an eye, one year will pass and the things that scared you, the worries that brought tears to your eyes every night, and the heavy weight of not knowing what will happen next will be a little easier to bear.
I acknowledge how lucky I am to have my health, my safety, and my loved ones to carry me through every day.