In his book The 5 Love Languages, author Gary Chapman suggests that we all express our love in specific ways. He narrows it down to five main categories: physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and giving gifts. He says that all of us have a dominant language that overpowers others. However, sometimes this can create problems in interpersonal relationships because while every person has a different love language, they may be only communicating through their dominant one. Discovering the love languages of the people around you can make them feel more loved and appreciated in the relationship you share.
In every relationship, whether it’s with our parents, friends or romantic partners, there’s always a balance between giving and receiving. Love languages are commonly talked about in the context of romantic relationships but it’s important to recognize that they can benefit your platonic relationships as well. Everyone has their own love language and the way that we give and receive love is different for everyone.
For example, your friend could value spending quality time with you but words of affirmation may not mean as much to them. In this case, you can adjust the way that you show them, love, by adapting to their love language and making an effort to spend more time with them. Even without specifically stating their love language, their behaviour can be a telltale sign of what they value. If you notice that your friend likes hanging out with you, even without a specific plan or purpose in mind, it can be safe to say that their love language is quality time. With that being said, it’s always best to double-check with them! Simply asking them and communicating can make a big difference.
Here are some ways to implement each of the love languages (many of these are best practiced in non-pandemic times of course):
Physical touch: Hugging them when greeting them and when saying goodbye or sitting close to them.
Quality time: Setting aside time to call/video chat with them every so often or meeting up with them to have a day out.
Acts of service: Offer to run errands with them or help them with another task that they’ve mentioned. Sending them a job or internship opportunity that fits with their skill set can also be helpful.
Words of affirmation: Compliment them on something you admire about their personality or send them a text saying that you appreciate having them in your life.
Giving gifts: Buy them something small even with no occasion. Simply buying them a coffee or their favourite food can go a long way.
To find out what your love language is, take the quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/