Imagine, you’re talking to someone you really like. Things are going great. Every day, you check your phone and you’re greeted with a notification from them, whether it’s a Snapchat, text or an Instagram DM. You’re a happy camper and life couldn’t be better. Then all of a sudden … poof.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the terms “ghosting” or “being ghosted,” they’re terms coined by millennials used when whoever you’re talking to, be it a potential boyfriend/girlfriend or a best friend, disappears into thin air. Gone! Adios!
When you get ghosted, it straight-up sucks. It creates a pit at the bottom of your stomach and all the possible reasons why this happened start running through your head. Was it something I said? Or something I did? Did someone tell them something?
If you find yourself in this particular situation, fear not. I have been there, ladies and gents and it hasn’t just happen once.
Oh no, it happened twice. And here’s the kicker; the same guy did it both times.
I met this guy at school and we started talking over Snapchat. Things were great. The interaction was friendly and I was really enjoying our conversations.
On a random Thursday afternoon, I sent him a Snapchat and was met with a haunting gray arrow within the app. This arrow means that your Snapchat didn’t go through and is pending because either the person you sent the Snapchat to hasn’t added you back or they deleted your profile.
Unfortunately for me, it was the latter. I was so upset, I cried, threw things and ranted into my pillow about what I did to deserve this awful treatment.
The worst part about this whole situation was that the ghost came crawling back months later and continued as if nothing had happened – and I let him. Naively, I let the relationship carry on until I was greeted with the same fate once again.
While I was going through this tough time, I was able to find some coping mechanisms and so I feel it is my duty to now bestow some of my advice upon those in need.
Face the truth: Admit that it hurt.
You may think that you don’t care but whether you were hoping the relationship was going to turn into a romantic one or a new friendship, it didn’t and that hurts. Facing the facts might feel like a punch in the gut but this is something that you need to do.
You’re done with the person who ghosted you and you need to stop thinking about them. I know it’s not that easy but the first step is on you. If you don’t open yourself up to the concept of moving on, you’re never going to accept it and you’re going to be stuck in this rut longer than necessary.
Confide in a friend: Talk about it.
Confiding in my friends was the best first step I could have made. I was feeling really insecure and I started questioning how I interacted with people. I thought there was something wrong with me and I felt like it was my fault I was getting ghosted. Of course, it wasn’t.
If you’re going to get through this, you’re going to need some support. Even if you feel like you don’t, trust me, it’s worth it. Talk to a friend and tell them what’s going on. If they genuinely do care about you, they’ll tell it to you like it is. Honesty it’s refreshing and you’re going to need someone to tell you first, whoever ghosted you is not worth it and second, that friend is going to be there for you whenever you need them and when you start feeling down.
It doesn’t even need to be a best friend. It can be a parent, a sibling or anyone you’re close to and trust. My friends got me back on my feet and had me feeling like myself again in no time and I am forever grateful for that.
Take care of yourself: Letting go
There’s always that small bit of hope that lingers after you’ve been ghosted. You tell yourself, “It was just a mistake! They’ll be back,” or “Maybe they’re just doing a social media cleanse.” I’m going to advise against this. Telling yourself that there’s hope is just going to stop you from letting it go.
Create space: Turn off your notifications.
Trust me – this helps. Don’t lie to yourself by saying, “I’m not even checking my phone for their message. I’m totally fine. I’m just refreshing just in case.” We all know that you’re not having a good time right now and that is entirely valid. Turning your notifications off will help you be on your phone less because you won’t be expecting anything.
Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate.
Getting over being ghosted will take some time. Once it’s over, look back on where you were when it happened and where you end up after coping. Give yourself the praise you deserve for moving forward and becoming stronger. Evaluate which strategies worked for you and share them with friends who are going through the same.
Above all, remember this: if the ghoster really wanted to talk to you and keep the relationship going, they would have. It’s not always on you to make things work – friendships and relationships are two-way streets. You can’t force someone to be in your life and you shouldn’t have to. The ones who genuinely want to be there will let you know. Everything happens for a reason and although it may not seem like it, you will come out stronger on the other side. You got this!