I am not ashamed to admit my serious and possible deleterious addiction to the beautiful, sparkling beverage that is seltzer. I did not really start drinking seltzer until junior year of high school but, coming from a family of seltzer drinkers, my addiction was inevitable. Seltzer is a multi-purpose beverage that helps everything from alleviating stomach pain to removing sauce stains from your shirt. Seltzer has saved me many times and I wanted to introduce this miracle drink to my housemates this semester.
When my housemates and I went to the supermarket, I could sense their silent horror as I happily packed four cases of seltzer on the cart. “Do you really think you’ll be able to drink all that seltzer by the end of the semester?” one of my housemates asked in furrowed brow. “Well of course,” I responded, knowing that these cases of bubbly delight would be gone by the end of the month. After this telling trip to the supermarket, I realized my friends needed to be properly educated about seltzer and thus it became my covert mission to convert my friends into seltzer addicts.
The first conversion came after my housemate, Max, complained about a sour stomach. I offered him a seltzer, knowing its medicinal qualities but he quickly rejected it, believing it would go away on its own. When it didn’t, I shoved a can in his hand and told him sternly to drink. After a few sips and a booming burb, he admitted the seltzer was a good idea. I saw a case of his own seltzer a week later. One down, four to go, I thought. The next housemate to hop on the bandwagon was Viktor, who now loves seltzer so much he chugs it in one gulp.
With only three housemates left to convert, I was confident in my abilities. However, my hubris got the best of me as I have been unable to convert two. The last housemate to join my seltzer club was Shannon who was quite quiet about her nascent addiction. It was when I saw empty seltzer cans in her car that I knew my work was done. I am still trying to get my two friends to appreciate all the wonders seltzer has to offer. I will be abroad next semester, so my work will resume next fall.
In the meantime, I urge everyone to try this delicious drink and ascend to a state of bubbly bliss.
Here is our seltzer stash.