Have you ever looked back at your painfully naïve past with engulfing regret thinking, “If I had known better, I could’ve saved myself so much time and energy?” Well, here’s what I think: the transition from high school to college is inevitably going to expose you to new challenges, and you’re not supposed to know everything. That’s kind of the point of college — to learn! You learn not just about the art of writing or basics of calculus or whatever intro course you take as a freshman, but how to maintain friendships, feed yourself, navigate the treacherous bus system, or wear the appropriate amount of layers for walking around in the cold (a sweatshirt does not suffice). I remember feeling like I couldn’t feel happy when the oatmeal in the dining hall was too mushy or when my newly pink hair was fading. I spent more time worrying about what everyone else was thinking about me than what I actually thought about my own life. To all the freshmen, and honestly anyone struggling with being in college, here are five things I wish I knew that would’ve saved me a lot of time and energy.
- Treat your energy like a birthday present: Think of your energy and time as an item on your birthday present wish list: maybe it’s just a big chocolate cake your best friend made you or a brand new buttery matching workout set from Aritzia. Can you recall a time when you spent your energy on a person trying to get them to like you? Picture this: you’ve just met someone in a dark humid basement that smells of jungle juice and wasted potential, and you gave them your new birthday present in exchange for crumbs of validation. You would recoil in disgust and outrage. How dare they put their grimy paws on my birthday present? Channel that rage into protecting your time and energy. Oftentimes, I find it easier to rationalize things in my head with metaphors that I can easily understand. Since my time and energy are just as precious (even more precious) than a birthday present, in no situation would I be okay with a strange dude taking something valuable to me. You will only ever regret wasting your time that could’ve been better allocated to studying, spending time with your friends, reading a book, or going on a walk. This mentality is important, not only in dating but in all relationships. Do not let anyone have that much power over you!
- Your first college friends won’t (and shant) be your last: The friends you surround yourself with should be a positive outlet in your life. After you spend time with your friends, check in with yourself; if you often find yourself drained, anxious, or sad after spending time with them, then these people are not the right friends for you. It’s perfectly okay to create distance from them. Don’t think because you met them on the second day of college that you must stick with them forever. I am still great friends with two girls who lived down the hall from me during my freshmen year, but I’m also not in touch with some people who I thought were really fun at first. They just turned out not to be my people! I kept branching out, joined a sorority, and met one of my roommates and Rutgers BFFs. Learn how to draw boundaries to protect your own peace, even if it’s daunting.
- Get involved (cliché, but important!): If you read #1 and relate to it but felt like the idea of finding new friends sounds like a treacherous feat, get involved! Getting involved on campus, especially when you go to a big school, is so important. It’s crucial to find small spaces with people who share a common goal or interest, and it’s easy to bond with people over mutual interests. Did you participate in any extracurriculars in high school? Chances are you can continue your hobbies in college, or you can try something new! All you have to do is get out of your dorm and into a club meeting. Don’t make lousy excuses for why you can’t step outside your comfort zone. If you need help finding clubs or organizations to join at Rutgers, follow the directions on this link. Go to a meeting, sit next to someone, and ask them a question. What’s their major? What year are they? Is this also their first time joining a club? Do they want to get Starbucks tomorrow? Hopefully, you’ll make a new friend!
- Learn how to trick yourself into saving money: You really don’t need a wax melter, a new claw clip, or whatever it is you think is helping to spark joy. Now, this is coming from someone who loves things. With that being said, here are two tricks I’ve implemented in my daily life to help me save money. Tip 1: If you’ve fallen victim to getting Starbucks every day, you must grow up and make your own tea or coffee at home. If you don’t have a Keurig or an electric kettle, save up the money you would otherwise spend on Starbucks for a week and you can afford one. Tip 2: If you are browsing in CVS, and a unicorn sheet mask sounds like a good idea, you must say to yourself in a kind but firm voice, “Not today, but maybe later.” Most of these impulses only sound good at the moment. If you can just say this, usually you will forget about it and move on. Then, every once in a while, if I have the extra $20, I reward myself with a present — something that I’ve wanted for more than just the 10 seconds in the store.
- Say yes (or alternatively, say no): Sometimes, we feel like we cannot do certain things simply because they don’t seem doable to us. I think that feeling stems from our own anxiety telling us we aren’t capable. For example, I had the opportunity to go on a skiing trip this past winter break with my roommate and a few other girls in my sorority. The cost was reasonable, and the dates worked with my schedule. However, I felt overwhelmed by the idea of going on a trip with people I didn’t know that well. I was worried I would feel awkward or that they’d think I was weird. Because of that fear, I almost chose not to go, but then I realized I was only cheating myself of a great opportunity to keep branching out and having new experiences. I went on the trip and had the best time. Ultimately, the only person getting in your way is yourself. So, if an exciting opportunity arises but you feel like you can’t take it for whatever reason, label that voice in your head as the silly little anxiety monster that doesn’t know any better. Put the little monster to sleep, and say yes! (But, finish your homework first).
This also works in the reverse. If there is something you really don’t want to do, but you’re feeling pressured into doing it for whatever reason say, “No, thank you!” Spend your time the way you want. Don’t confuse the little anxiety monster in your head for your clear and healthy conscience.
I am turning 20 this March, and it’s remarkable how much I’ve absorbed since I started college. I’ve been my own big sister and listened to my own advice. I, by no means, have everything figured out. I still get anxious and overwhelmed, but I am making progress. Now I find myself in a happier place with the time and energy to spend doing things I love, a sweet boyfriend who does not take away my precious time and energy, friends who make me feel good, and money saved in my bank account. It all pays off.
Now, if only someone would tell me about getting a summer internship!