I have been rejected so many times in my life that the scarlet ‘R’ on my Rutgers sweatshirt might as well stand for a scarlet letter for rejection. In high school, I remember all my friends receiving varsity status for the swim team while I was given junior varsity, which meant nothing more than a participation trophy to me. I wasn’t able to place in a piano competition, despite playing the piano for over ten years and practicing the piece for hours each week. What hurt most was being first wait-listed for my dream college, then being rejected a few weeks later after working my ass off to raise my grades and get more letters of recommendations.
It all hurt. Every rejection felt like a blow to not only my self-esteem, but my self-worth as a person. If I didn’t make varsity, then was I even good at swimming? Was the rejection from the piano competition saying I was a terrible musician? Did not being accepted to my dream college mean I was dumb?
This Thanksgiving though, months after all those rejections, I can reflect back and honestly be thankful for the failures. There were tears, sleepless nights, identity crises and endless comparisons with other people, but here is how the failures have made me the person I am today:
I became closer with my friends and family
When my piano teacher told me I didn’t make it for the competition, I remember holding it in until my mom picked me up from my lesson. I cried the whole car ride back home, and I kept crying in my room the entire day. What got me through it was the support of my family, who hugged me and encouraged me to keep playing the piano while I was sniffling into their shirts. The truth is that even though I failed, the experience reminded me that I would always be supported by the people I loved most, whether I succeeded or not.
I worked harder
The only thing you can do after being knocked down is to pick yourself up. After moping about being the only person to not receive varsity, I dove headfirst back into the pool and worked harder during swim practice. I pushed myself to lead the lane instead of trailing in the back. I exercised outside of practice and spent my weekends running and doing workout videos on YouTube. If it weren’t for failing once, I probably would have never developed the motivation and drive to work harder towards my goals. The next year, I remember finally receiving varsity, this time crying from sheer happiness.
Failing inspired me to create
In his keynote address to the University of the Arts in 2012, bestselling author Neil Gaiman told students this: “When things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art.” In other words, when things go wrong, when you’re rejected from something or by someone, channel the emotions into creating something. It sounds cheesy, but I turned to my pen a lot during my failures. It was during these painful moments of my life that my best work was created, and I’m thankful for that.
I am more thankful for the successes
I don’t take Latin, but one of my mantras is “Dulcius ex Asperis”, which means “sweeter after difficulties”. Nothing ever worth achieving comes easily. Reaching your dreams isn’t a smooth road, and you’re guaranteed to come across some bumps along the way. But if I hadn’t been rejected so many times, I don’t think my successes would have been as rewarding. The failures made the successes sweeter, and made me thankful for finally getting to where I wanted to be.
A few months ago, I would never have thought that I would actually be thankful for being rejected from anything. Here I am though, writing this article at Rutgers, which is a college I didn’t appreciate in high school but am so thankful for now. This Thanksgiving, I encourage you to not just be thankful for your achievements, but also the inevitable failures that played a part in the successes you have today.