Reading this title your first question is probably why? Why would anyone do this to themselves?
Well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure.
And no, I don’t hate myself.
And yes, I did try to move on.
In the beginning, we just friends. We were best friends. Our morning started off with Snapchat texts asking to get bagels and our night ended with complaining about our love lives.
We never left any room for silence or hesitation when it came to honesty, and we were always candid with one another about what we were thinking or feeling. Our emotions intertwined and our soul understood one another. We felt as we could relax in front of each other, unlike the rest of the world. There were no makes or guard, there was just a big space of safety.
When I moved away we kept talking, just like all friends do. We would facetime or voice call every single day. The late-night calls were exhausting and the day time waiting for one another to text back was invigorating, but that didn’t make the friendship any easier.
We both knew in the back of our minds what we felt for one another, but we never really felt capable of doing anything about it because we were fueled by the fear that long distance would never work and that we would end losing one another.
This fear forced us to suppress our emotions and keep what we felt for one another on the back burner.
If you are still with me till this part of the story you probaly want to know the ending, but I’m not going to give it to you. The ending is not important, but this is:
Love is the purest and beautiful thing alive. It’s created by those who are of the purest form and destroyed by those who have no value for it. Love in it’s simplest is something given and something shared. But through the evolution of humans, it has become an excuse to avoid commitment and a reason to treat people as objects.
What makes one powerful is not to be pure it is to be happy with impurity. Happiness is found in comfort with imperfection. When we look at ourselves in the mirror we don’t look for what we love we look for everything thing we hate. To appreciate your own imperfections is to conquer all unhappiness caused by yourself.
From this, I hope you understand that love is immersive and inexplicable but the most important love is self-love. To love yourself first and then love others is the key to happiness.