- “Their music isn’t even that great. The only people who listen to it are teenage girls.”
- “That movie sucked. It was just a chick flick.”
- “Why do you care so much about clothes, it’s so stupid.”
All women have had something along these lines said to them at some point (and more than likely multiple times) in their lives. Expressing our interests and passions to another person is often a slightly vulnerable experience. The things you enjoy feel like a reflection of yourself, and to have someone shut them down and denounce them is a difficult feeling to deal with. While individuals typically do not come from a place of malice, the impact still resonates. At the least, you may feel embarrassed. But a lot of the time these comments make one feel guilty and ashamed just for enjoying some form of media.
The worst part of it is, many people say these things to younger girls and women without giving it any thought. Beyond diminishing their opinion, the person is also feeding into the internalized misogyny that pervades many areas of life. While it may not seem like a big deal to hate on Twilight for its questionable plot, or One Direction’s music for being formulaic pop, the issue arises when you realize that most of the criticism comes from those who wouldn’t be caught dead reading or listening to such things: men. Without giving the media in question so much as a chance, some men will instantly denounce it as ‘bad’ or ‘not worth their time’ because the established fans are majority women. It is as if women’s approval of something is an instant indicator to men that it can’t have any artistic value or even just simply be good. Without giving it a fighting chance, they condemn it and any person (young girl) that has the audacity to like it.
This has impacted all of us in some way, even if we don’t realize it. Demeaning comments are so common and constant for young women that it is easily normalized. If in middle school, a person says that their favorite movie is Mean Girls, and every time they express that opinion are told that the movie is crap and only for “stupid and cliquy girls”, by the time they reach high school, they will probably start to believe it. And the more they convince themselves that everyone else is right, the more they will drift away from their interests. This leads to young girls and women often morphing their interests just to avoid criticism.
However, this can easily become an unwinnable situation. If a girl begins to show interest in things typically associated with men, she is deemed a poser, a try-hard, or a pick-me-girl. It quickly becomes frustrating. No matter what your favorite music is or book or movie or TV show or piece of art or anything, it feels like the invalidation is inevitable simply because of age and gender.
So what’s the solution? How do we stop these comments from men and women alike? Well, we can’t. The only thing to do is like things unapologetically. Think back to something you used to love, no matter how long ago it was, and ask yourself why you ever stopped being passionate about it? If the answer is someone made fun of you for enjoying it or if it seems like your interest just faded with time, try getting back into it. Rewatch your favorite ‘girly’ movie, blast your favorite boy band, wear that pink skirt, because whatever other people assume about you based on your interests is irrelevant. And if someone comes up to you and tries to make you feel bad about liking typically feminine things, instead of becoming embarrassed and changing the subject, go all in. Overdo your excitement about it just to spite them. Scream your heart out to your favorite pop songs, buy the brightest pink dress you can find, binge-watch all your favorite chick flicks and realize that they are way better than any Adam Sandler movie. Who cares about the backhand comments? No matter what you do, it will come. So, you might as well embrace your favorite things.