Women have come a long way throughout history. We have broken stereotypes and oppressive constraints, one after the other. Women managed to get control over their reproductive rights in Roe V Wade in 1973, the right to vote in 1920, and the list goes on. Educational institutions have broadened the scholarship opportunities for women to help make it possible for more women to educate themselves.
However, one nagging question (maybe two) always seems to trail after us. “When are you getting married?” “When will you have children?” Let us just STOP THAT RIGHT THERE! There are several problems with these questions and the “baby boomers” find us younger women ignorant when we get upset over this, but let us start dissecting the why.
First and foremost, the marriage failure rate now a days is over 50%. That is not a state protected secret. There are so many young women and men who grew up in divorced households. I was one of the fortunate where it was not an ugly one; my parents could be in the same room. Not everyone has that luxury. The marriage rate therefore is dropping. People are preferring to cohabit and just be permanent bf/gf or gf/gf bf/bf (whatever floats your boat). Some people still want to get married. Again, it is a personal choice; that brings me to my next piece.
Not everyone wants a family. I recently got into my first choice grad school, Villanova. Imagine how over the moon I was. Such a great school right? I will have the opportunity to get a Master’s and a certificate so I will walk out with two degrees. Several people approached me about how my plans to use this for an ambassador position with the UN would “impact my future children” and “how could I raise a family?” PAUSE. What?! I got into an outstanding school and that is what you are concerned with?
I know I am not the only one who has said this but, I am not very maternal and I have too many things I want to do. I am one of hundreds who get the “oh you will change your mind; you are young” speech. This mentality is NOT okay. Women are allowed to not marry, women are allowed to NOT have children. It is a personal choice. Some want to pursue careers, some want to drive their dream sports car, others want to travel. Whatever the dream, it is okay if it does not fit the “family” archetype. Society needs to stop pressuring women that this is all they are for is family making. We are women; we are so much more than that. If someone wants to have a family full of puppies, go for it! Stop asking why they aren’t doing this or when are they going to do that?