Before Anthony and I we were even an official couple, we made a promise that no matter what happened to us we would at least be friends. Easier said than done, I know, but why? Why is it so hard to be friends with a guy that you used to go out with, Even if you are “over” him? It’s because of a mentality that a lot of girls have while in a relationship, the one when you just want to do anything you can for him, to help him, because you care. This mentality is one of the most interesting things about relationships and in the carnival. It’s called the Contortionist.
Contortion is an unusual form of physical display which involves the dramatic bending and flexing of the human body. It includes twisting, turning, back bends, front bends and so much more adjusting and stretching of the body. It really is an amazing thing to see, and while most contortionists do such things for the entertainment of others, we girls contort our schedule, our lives, our mentality for a more specific and personal reason: for the one we love.
When Anthony was having car troubles, I wanted to just say, “Here’s $500, fix what you need to.” The only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t have the money. When he was sick, I delayed doing my homework so I could take care of him. I would set aside time so that I could search on craigslist for him when he needed a job. It was never anything extreme, but it was the type of things that I wanted to do for him as his girlfriend, because I cared and that right there was the hardest thing about not just getting over Anthony, but detaching myself as well.
I wanted to be friends with Anthony and I still do, but right now I’m at the point where it can’t really happen and not because I’m not over him, but because of something even greater than that. I love Anthony, I always will. He is the first guy I ever felt this way about and I had connections with him that I’m not sure I will ever have with anyone else. When I think about my future, getting married, having a nice home, and starting a family, I don’t see him and me together in that picture. I know we weren’t meant to be, but there is still a part of my heart that will always be for him. It took a long time for me to realize this, but that’s perfectly normal! However, being that I care for him so much, I still have that contortionist mentality. When I see him and I hear what’s going on in his life, my first thought is what can I do to help him? I am still so willing to bend over backwards for him and that might not necessarily be a bad thing, if he wasn’t the complete polar opposite. I don’t know if it’s a guy thing or an Anthony thing, but Anthony is really quick to say “that’s not my problem.” A simple expression that makes me feel like dirt, like I don’t matter to him, and it’s hurtful.
This is a common thing that I see with girls, whether they are the dumper or the dumpee, it doesn’t mean we stop caring, and that goes for both guys and girls, but I feel as though we deal with it much differently. A lot of guys, like Anthony, will be a complete jerk so that they can learn not to care anymore, but girls still care and still want to care. It’s the same reason we hate break ups, we care and we don’t want to see them get hurt. We will still twist and turn to try to make sure that our ex- guy is okay and hopefully even happy. This is something I still struggle with, even after 7 months of being broken up. Which is why, for now, I have to distance myself from Anthony, I rarely speak to him now and I hope that will change, but for now I have to learn to stop being the contortionist and become the ring leader. What are some ways to go from being a contortionist to a ring leader in your carnival of love?