Let’s face it…sometimes we really wish our parents would just leave us alone. They can be so frustrating and controlling. However, at the end of the day, we still love them and value their obvious care for our well-being. But there still are those parents who cross the line: those who constantly call everyday to check up on their children and try to visit at least twice a month. Well for all those college students who have parents like this, here are some tips to help you (and your parents) with becoming independent, but still keeping a healthy relationship.
Let go of your need to always please your parents
Children grow up naturally wanting to please and gain approval from their parents. The best way to deal with this problem is to recognize that you always want to please them and let go of that need.
Do not fight it
Fighting/yelling always seems to make matters worse. It makes them think that you’re hiding something, which makes them more controlling. It’s in their nature to try to protect you from everything around you that could be harmful. Take a deep breath and answer their questions. This avoids fighting and more conflict.
Talk to them
Be straightforward. Let them know that even though you are away at school it doesn’t mean that you won’t go to them if you are in trouble. Whenever I get really stressed out or need to vent I call my mom and she’s always around to listen and give advice. This type of communication helped me have a healthier and happier relationship with my mom. So let your parents know that even if you don’t talk every week, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong, in fact it may mean the opposite.
Not sure if your parents are one of those hovering parents? Here are some common signs:
Inquiring about personal details
One example, your sex life. It’s not easy for a parent to accept that his/her child is growing up, however, your intimate relationships are none of their business.
Making phone calls/sending emails/talking to people for you
If you ask them to call someone for you then this is not a problem. However, if they take on the task of doing things for you then that’s when they’ve crossed the line.
Constantly contacting their child
A parent who trusts and respects her/his child won’t be constantly calling or texting her/him. Some parents can’t deal with their son/daughter growing up and expanding his/her horizons.
Too much involvement in her/his child’s activities and social life
We do not need a parent interfering in our social lives. They don’t need to tell us whom we can and can’t talk to. We are capable of choosing whom we socialize with.
Parents don’t realize that their role in your life changes when you go off to college. The main issue is that parents need to also realize that they need to respect and treat us like adults. Overbearing and controlling actions can strain the relationship between parents and their children. Although, be sure to remember: even though they are controlling they mean well. Deep down they care for you.
How would you deal with overbearing and controlling parents?