On one of our catch-up phone calls first semester, my dad told me, “Relationships are supposed to be easy.” It was one of those pieces of parental advice that seemed idealistic, more suited for an artsy VSCO account or Instagram story than for my own life. But when I gave myself a little time to think about this, I wondered why I, along with so many others, don’t adopt this mindset. An easy relationship doesn’t necessarily mean perfect, immune from all flaws, bumps, disagreements, or misunderstandings. But I do think that in a healthy relationship, we should feel comfortable, acting as we normally do without thinking anything of it because we don’t fear judgment or repercussions. This sounds easy enough in theory, but I often run into two problems when trying to live this way.
Sometimes, I let my own insecurities get the best of me. If things do flow easily, I often think, “This is too good. This can’t be right. It can’t be this easy.” I convince myself that I’m merely in the honeymoon stage, and that it’s only a matter of time before problems arise. These kinds of thoughts often surface at the beginning of relationships, and since arriving at college, I’ve continually been forming new relationships. After becoming acclimated to my high school friends and comfortable in my surroundings, I’ve had to start fresh and practice reintroducing myself again. So, I convince myself that because no relationship is perfect, I should ignore my gut when it picks up red flags. This reminds me of an actual artsy VSCO quote I stumbled across:
“Gut feelings are guardian angels.” Feelings of apprehension and tension aren’t the same as a trivial annoyance. Stifling any part of yourself to attempt to make something work doesn’t help anyone, especially yourself. I think many people act this way out of insecurity. We’re so used to second-guessing ourselves that we believe that easy relationships aren’t for us, that we don’t deserve them. But as soon as we give ourselves the recognition and respect that we deserve, relationships filled with ease will come to us and we will be able to welcome them with open arms.