So, it’s the year 2017, and I’m at home, writing in the kitchen, because that’s the only place my finicky laptop will deign to charge. I’ve just sat down to write this article and I’ve had a bunch of ideas swirling around in my head on just what to write. I could do something Christmas related, but honestly, Christmas-y things after Christmas mostly just depress me when the next Christmas is so far away. I could do something K-drama related, like I mentioned earlier I would, but in all honestly, I’ve been reading more web-toons and catching up on movies I missed during the year than I have been watching dramas. So, I decided to tackle what really had been on my mind.
2017 is almost over y’all, and I’m kinda ready to let it go.
This year started hard. I was in my second semester of sophomore year and I hated pretty much all my major classes. Ruh-roh, Raggy. That was not a good sign. I had a professor who basically made me doubt everything about what I could do, what I wanted, and even who I was. I had grown to see myself as a very creative individual who could actually be good at film, my greatest passion at the time.
And then he came along and I began to catch glimpses of a me I didn’t know existed. This me was perhaps not as creative, at least, not in the way everyone else in my class was. This me was uninterested in pretty much everything the film major had to offer. And this me was much more passionate about living life to the fullest and enjoying all my passions rather than giving everything up for something that barely even fit me. But I wish I could say that I figured all that out in a day or two, maybe a week, tops.
It took me four months. During those four months, I raged and ranted, I complained and commiserated, and I gave up pretty much all hope of doing what I loved and being who I had always thought I was. But then I became an English major and life started to make sense again.
So, 2017 taught me not to stick to a plan that you have outgrown. I had to take that big step, that probably life-changing step, and I can truly say, life feels a lot better when who think you are and what you’re doing actually fits you.
So that was the start of 2017.
The middle of 2017 taught me a rather different lesson. Why, you ask? I got my first job in retail. Yup, that right there is the sort of thing to make anybody rethink their life. I had a job that I kinda hated, but I definitely needed, and therefore was kinda grateful for. This job taught me that just because I had spent four months figuring out what I wanted to do in the long run, didn’t mean I would get to do it right then.
I had to wait. I had to put in time on doing something that, in all honesty, I hoped I’d never have to do again. Because I needed that money for school, and I needed school for the future that I had finally figured out that I wanted. So, I had to learn that cooling my heels in retail was simply a step that I had to take on my path to the rest of my life. Sure, it sort of sucked, but it sort of didn’t, because I know I can’t get to point C without first going through points A and B.
Finally, the ending of 2017 came, with a new lesson or two for me.
My first semester of junior year was one big lesson in learning to trust my abilities again. After changing my major, I was excited to take classes that were actually, well, exciting to me again. I took Shakespeare and World Literature and Intro to Creative Writing, and, not to brag, I kind killed ‘em. But you wouldn’t have guessed by talking to me. It literally wasn’t until the professor I respected most gave me an actual 100 and basically said “Hey, this is perfect” that I stopped feeling like the worst writer in class. I wish I was exaggerating there. I had to learn that I actually was a good writer, and a creative person with some talent as well as some room to grow.
To be honest, I’ll probably have to relearn that lesson at least a little every semester, but this was the first semester for that, and I know I’ll never fully forget it.
But this article wouldn’t be complete without talking about the one of the main things that 2017 brought that changed my life. Jonghyun of SHINee committed suicide, and a bit of me died with him. SHINee is one of the OG K-pop groups that shaped the genre as well as many of their fans lives. So, when I woke up one morning to Google telling me that Jonghyun was a member of SHINee, I felt my stomach turn over and bile rise in my throat. I cried my eyes sore that day, and it’s still hard to believe. Depression stole a shining star from us, from me, and I’m never going to forget it. And I’m never going to forgive it. I just can’t. So, 2017 ended by teaching me that life is much too precious to let it be stolen it from us, and we simply cannot ignore mental health. We really can’t, and I know that in 2018, I’m going to do the very best I can to put all these lessons to good use and be who I have always wanted to be.
Because life is so short, and so, so precious.