You want to get from Point A to Point B without too much hassle. Unfortunately, your car just broke down and the bus won’t be coming for another hour.
What do you do?
Call an Uber of course!
As someone who has plenty of experience with Uber drivers, I have taken it upon myself to list some common types of drivers that I’ve categorized. I hope you enjoy!
Type: The Provider
Description: They have everything you need from A to Z: mints, water, wifi hotspot, and phone charger.
How to spot: You feel like a superstar when you ride in this car as they adjust everything to your liking from the radio station to the temperature.
Type: The Brown Noser
Description: Always eager to get a 5-star rating.
How to spot: They ask you as soon as you get in the car to give them a 5-star rating. They ask you during the ride for a 5-star rating. When you’re getting out of the car, they tell you to give them a 5-star rating. Normally these advances are prefaced by a compliment such as “you look nice today” or “I like your hair.”
Type: The Guru
Description: Ready to give life advice based in any given situation.
How to spot: This driver is able to take any string of conversation and twist it into life advice. If you’re talking about your grades, they’ll tell you to stay focused and keep your head in the game. If you’re talking about a garden you want to start, they’ll tell you what fruits and veggies are in season when. These drivers would probably make good trivia nuts.
Type: The Watcher
Description: Continuously watches you through the rearview mirror.
How to spot: If you shift slightly to the left or to the right, The driver’s eyes dart up to the mirror and your eyes will meet. These drivers are also known as the paranoids, who seem rather concerned with whatever you’re doing in the backseat (which might be planting a stink bomb).
Type: The Lost Nomad
Description: Seems to be in a constant state of disarray and confusion
How to spot: They get lost on the way to pick you up, get lost on the way to your destination, and blame every wrong turn on the GPS. If you count the times they say “sorry” in regard to directions or location and it totals more than three times, you have yourself a nomad driver.
Type: The Faker
Description: Seems as if two separate people are residing in one body.
How to spot: The driver’s profile picture looks business-like and put together, but the driver seems to be anything but that. Usually you can spot a faker by the music they’re listening to when they pull up. Some drivers blare trap music, but when you get in the car it’s all Beethoven and Mozart. Another key feature is their phone voice. If they call you to let you know they’re outside, they might sound more or less professional than they do when you get in the car.
Type: The Accentor
Description: Doesn’t fully understand what you’re saying and you don’t really understand them.
How to spot: In your conversations, either you or the driver will take turns asking the other party to repeat themselves. You’ll find yourself mishearing what they say and responding in a way that confuses the driver resulting in long bouts of silence.
**DISCLAIMER: I have no problem with people with accents. Accents are not a bad thing.**
Type: The Apathetic New Ager
Description: Driver that doesn’t really care about you at all.
How to spot: Now that drivers can rate their passengers, they feel no need to go out of the way to say anything to or do anything for the passenger. This ride is filled with silence, and if you make a suggestion, they’ll normally take it as a complaint and you can bet your rating will go down.
Type: The Flirty Talkers
Description: Tend to flirt (sometimes in a way that is not appreciated) with the passenger.
How to spot: Somehow, every conversation seems to turn into something about your body, your number or your relationship status. They’re flirting hard. It may seem like fun and games until you realize you’re riding in their car, and they don’t have to let you out if they don’t want to. Then it’s just weird and uncomfortable.
Type: The Casual Talkers
Description: Average everyday Jack, Jill or Jo.
How to spot: They’re calm when you get in, normally ask how you’re doing and if another line of conversation unravels, they’ll continue the conversation. If the conversation ends with “good,” they’ll leave it at that. These drivers are neither too talkative nor awkwardly silent. For some reason though, you may feel more inclined to tell this driver and expedited version of your life story. There’s something about opening up to someone you may never see again that’s stress relieving.