This year, for quite possibly the first time ever, I spent New Year’s Eve completely alone. I traded high heels for slippers and buried myself beneath my blankets. The night was simple and blissful—an embodiment of my hopes for 2023. In between episodes of The Sex Lives of College Girls, I felt myself reflecting. Not in the grand ‘new year, new me’ kind of way; not even in a way of goal setting, self-promises, and strives for growth. I simply reflected without the pressure to improve and without judgment for my shortcomings in the year that had passed.
In the ordinariness of my night in, I found growth. Even one year prior, the thought of a New Year’s Eve alone would have made my skin crawl—what was I missing? Who was I missing? What was everyone else doing? The pressure on a night like NYE is enormous, and though it has always brought forth stress, surrendering to spend the night in never felt like an option. Besides, even on the most mundane of nights, spending time alone made me sad. I would pity myself, as if being in my own company was the consequence of having nobody who wanted to spend time with me. Being alone was a last resort; a natural result when connections expired; the tragic flaw of life. Through mindful exposure and deliberate unlearning over the last year, this set of beliefs unraveled. Being alone became a choice and not a result, and in fact, slowly it became a privilege. I began to see the power in solitude: not having to compromise my wants to please others, getting to rest my heart and my mind, exploring, and discovering what recharges me. My journey reached a peak on NYE, where I honoured what I needed, and found that what I required was in fact a night in by myself.
While spending a solo night eating chips under the covers might not sound impressive, the contentment I now feel in my own company represents a massive achievement. Thoughtfully practicing spending time alone—while sometimes uncomfortable and out of my nature—has brought forth greater self-compassion, confidence, and general satisfaction. This night was a perfect picture of the type of 2023 I desire; a low-pressure year wherein I honour my intuition and treat myself gently. I hope that in this coming year, everyone can be a little bit easier on themselves and learn to value self-friendship.
