What do you consider ‘family’? According to the Oxford dictionary, it’s “a group consisting of two parents and their children living together as a unit”. The ending of the definition might as well be ‘and a partridge in a pear tree’. Simply put, the notion of family shouldn’t be limited to this definition, as many families don’t have this straightforward structure.
Despite my family not looking like this, throughout my childhood and young adolescent years, I was led to believe a family was ‘meant’ to be a biological mother and father, siblings that are fully related to you and maybe a couple of dogs to complete it all. Realistically, similarly to my own, there are many other models for what a family looks like. My immediate household is only my momma and I, and she’s my family. However, growing up, any time there was mention of my immediate family only consisting of my momma and I, I would receive looks of pity. I never understood the reasoning for this reaction. I began to ‘realize’ or more so people made me believe that my family situation wasn’t what other people considered ‘normal’.
In saying this, over the years I have gained many other people who support me outside of my biological circle–my Portuguese Familia. It has come to the point that I say I am Portuguese at heart as I have grown up in the culture, traditions and love, despite not having the roots in my DNA. This is what makes life beautiful. The ability to truly connect with people, despite not having their DNA running through your veins. To be able to sit around a dinner table, with lots of wine and laugh at all the good things life brings and even through some of the hardships we have to bear.
My family model leads me to say that family is built beyond a simple structure or genetic makeup. DNA might begin your family, however that doesn’t mean it will stay or that it won’t grow to connections with others. Let’s begin to redefine what family is and break out of the narrow borders that make up our current definition.
Family isn’t defined by DNA. Family is defined by the people who lift you up and support you through the good, the bad and the ugly. Family are the people who are not given to you, they are the people whom you chose to have in your life. They are your people, your best friends and the people who accept you for who you are inside and out. Family are the people who stick by you. Family are the people who drive from hours away to spend your birthdays with you. Family are the people who laugh at how clumsy you are and then sit on the floor and blowdry all your course notes.
