Obviously no one wants to hear more about the current state of our lives right now, but can we stop pretending that we are all fine? I am grateful every day for not having COVID or knowing anyone who has been significantly affected by it. That being said, I feel that at this point, the constant effort to not get and/or spread COVID has ultimately led to the deterioration of mental health amongst everyone I know like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Not that I think anyone is acting as if life is normal, obviously it’s not possible with our lives having been turned upside down for almost a year now, but as a university student at a well known party school, there’s definitely pressure to still make the most of this time and have the optimal ‘party life’. The fact that there is literally no way to have any kind of party life at all right now is quite taxing on my mind for a few reasons.
I mean, I could be the only person feeling this way, but I find that I’m constantly feeling torn between the pressure to “still have the best time ever” as a twenty year old university student and the fact that we’re still mid pandemic, with the whole world in a mess. The truth is, I don’t want to put my time and energy into making sure I’m not letting my university days slip away by going out of my way to bend the rules,trying to reach a level of ‘rowdiness’ we had before COVID. I really just want to be curled up in my bed, surrounded by good friends, and hopefully make it through this winter to see the light at the end of the tunnel; ideally being able to return to life as we once knew it.
I think the argument for trying to continue living life like the average 20-year old’s in the midst of our prime stems from the fact that we feel like we have been robbed of the amazing years of our lives and the anger that comes along with that. I’m furious at the thought of what could’ve been, had my second and third year of university not been so drastically altered. I’ve been feeling this way for 9 months now and at this point, I’ve decided I need to let go of that anger and just try to get through this by accepting that we’ll have time to catch up with the moments and memories when this is over. For now, we have to give up this idea of a ‘regular university life’.
A year ago, I wrote an article about struggling with the Winter Gloom and how the winter months are far more taxing on your physical and mental health than warmer months. After re-reading it recently, I realized that my state of mind a year ago, in the dead of winter, was actually a great comparison to now yet I can’t even take my own advice. Back then I suggested trying to start your day earlier or avoid sleeping in, to build a routine and experience more sunlight throughout the day. I seriously feel no motivation to try to establish a routine or try to wake up earlier this winter.
I find that amongst my university friends, there is little talk about how we’re actually dealing with COVID. There is this sense that since we are 20 and at our peak, we should be ultimately invincible. No one around me seems to be thinking about how this isolation has changed them in any way or how months without in-person social interaction beyond family or roommates has changed many peoples’ ability to socialize. I appreciate that people are trying to remain positive and it’s nice to think that everyone has bounced back from the months of social comatose, but I for one have not and I recognize that I don’t think everyone around me has either, as much as it is difficult to talk about.
All in all, we’re living through a real life crisis. Let’s not pretend that we aren’t struggling and it’s okay to be having a hard time, despite the fact that we’re supposed to be living our lives to the fullest.