Photo by Willow David
I remember first moving into my triple room, and while none of us had boyfriends at the time, the topic of meeting guys entered my mind.
How was this going to work? Would we have a code word? Did they care if one of us were to have sex in our room?
Seeing as we were practically strangers, I did not feel quite comfortable bringing up the topic of sex just yet. During the beginning of Frosh week, our don eventually came around with mandatory roommate agreements. All three of us thought this agreement was absolutely ridiculous because we didn’t need a piece of paper to dictate our behavior towards one another. However, seeing as it was only Frosh week and our don seemed pretty adamant that we fill it out and return it, we complied. So, one of my roommates took the initiative and began answering the questions on behalf of all of us.
The majority of our answers consisted of asking each other before we used any items that weren’t ours. Then we came to the burning question of overnight guests. The three of us looked at each other and simultaneously agreed: “No sexy time without shooting a text first.”
And that was that. Pretty simple.
Now, to this day, we have not yet had to enforce this rule as unfortunate as it is, but if the time ever comes, I have no doubt that a text will be sent.
I recognize that some roommates and housemates may have a more difficult time reaching a consensus on overnight guests which is exactly the purpose of this article.
First and foremost, talk to your roommate(s). Or housemate(s). Or whoever it is that you live with. Just talk to them. I understand that sex is a touchy subject for some, and it is a bit awkward, but the bottom line is that you need to discuss it. Who knows? Maybe the level of awkwardness will blossom into a hilarious conversation that you can look back on one day and remember fondly. Maybe the sex talk will be a bonding experience and will turn out to be the beginning of a great friendship.
However, there is the alternative that crickets will be heard, cheeks will turn red and it may very well be one of the most uncomfortable conversations of your life. If that is the case, then maybe it is time to look for a new person to live with. Okay, perhaps that is a bit extreme. Instead of posting on Facebook that there is a room available, you should just try bringing up the topic on a different day when some time has passed and you are in better moods.
If the whole talking about it failed, then I strongly recommend that you make sure you have a place to sleep (if you’re in a dorm, of course) in case your roommate brings someone home.
Let’s say hypothetically that your little talk didn’t go as planned. If things with your housemate have become unbearable, then maybe you should sneak your partner up to your place when your housemate is out of town, or at class. That does sound pretty terrible, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Or guy. Whatever.
Moving on. If you’re not able to bring your partner home for the night, then maybe you can go to their place. For dorms, I sincerely hope your partner has a single room. If you both have roommates, well, I’m out of ideas.
If the sexy time text isn’t really your thing, there is always the old fashioned elastic on the door. It’s still effective even though this method of “DO NOT DISTURB” has been around for years.
Another solid, responsible strategy for having a successful sex life when you live with other people is a shared condom stash. Seriously. Anyone can—and should—buy condoms. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Besides, a little bit of embarrassment at the checkout counter at Shoppers Drug Mart is preferable to an STI or a baby. You should always, always, always have a condom handy whether you’re a male or a female. Ladies, it’s not just the guy’s responsibility! Take some initiative and buy your own condoms.
In addition to the elastic, sexy time text and the communal condom stash, advanced warning is probably appreciated. You really shouldn’t be getting all hot and heavy with someone and bring them up to your room or back to your place, look at your roommate and give them a look. That’s probably going to cause a lot of problems for you in the foreseeable future, and your roommate is most likely going to tell you to get out. Not exactly the steamy night you were hoping for, right? So, use some common courtesy and shoot them a text an hour or so before you head home. That gives them plenty of time to grab what they need and to find a place to stay for the time being.
Having a great sex life when you live with other people can surely be challenging. But hopefully you can take some of these tips into consideration. Courtesy goes a long way. Good luck!