Some Friendly Advice From Someone Who Lives on a Very Incestuous Floor
Photo by: Willow David
I guess you could say I wasn’t the most informed incoming university student when it came to things like partying or hookups. So much so that I didn’t even know floorcest was a thing.
I didn’t know it was forbidden or should be avoided at all costs. In fact, I didn’t actually hear about this taboo thing until I began facebooking one of my floormates in August before school, and he asked me what my opinion on floorcest was. I accidentally misread the word and thought he asked me what my opinion on floorCREST was. I was quite confused and asked for clarification, thinking he was talking about some weird unknown band I had never heard of. He proceeded to explain it to me as “f*cking someone who lives on the same floor as you.”
When he said that, I did a face palm and thought, “Ohhhh, okay, that makes sense now.”
His opinion on it was very clear: don’t do it. Just don’t. However, I didn’t necessarily agree with him. I mean, what kind of dumb, unwritten rule is that? While I respected how messy and awkward floorcest could be if it happened, I also had to take into consideration the other side of floorcest.
What if it worked out? What if true feelings were involved? What if it was meant to be? How could you really pass up an opportunity of a relationship just because it could potentially get messy?
I mean, come on, people. That’s absurd!
So, let’s get into some statistics that might be a little upsetting. Only 1% of people marry their college sweethearts. Now, I know it’s problematic to compare true love with statistics, but sometimes you do need to look at facts. And the fact is, that if you have some one-night-stand with some person on your floor, chances are you’re not going to end up marrying them.
However, that is not to say that there is no chance that floorcest can lead to a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship. Your next door neighbour or the person down the hall from you might just very well be the person you’re meant to end up with.
If that’s the case, then I pose the question: Are you really willing to risk your soul mate because floorcest is frowned upon?
As someone who is in a relationship with someone who is not only outside of my floor and residence, but on West Campus, I know that if he did live on my floor, there is no way I would pass up any chance to be with him because of floorcest. Some things are just meant to be, and when they are, you should let them.
The bottom line is, you shouldn’t refrain from floorcest simply because it is floorcest. But you do need to be prepared for the potentially awkward or messy situation you may have to face after something happens.
So what advice, if any, can I give you? Living in Victoria Hall, I’m one of the few people on my floor remaining that has never partaken in floorcest.
Anyway, just because I haven’t done it myself doesn’t mean that I don’t know things. In fact, my floormates are the experts in floorcest and I’ve spent months listening to the juicy details and experiencing the building sexual tension.
First things first: if something happens, don’t make it awkward afterwards. How do you do that when you’ve made a drunken fool of yourself? Well, friend, the best thing to do is to either apologize (if you’re courageous enough, of course) or pretend it never happened. Just go on with your life and your friendship or whatever your relationship was before things got hot and heavy.
Secondly, and very importantly, if something happens, BE SAFE. I cannot stress this enough. Ladies, be consistent with that pill, especially if you are sexually active. And if you are not on the birth control pill (you should speak to your doctor about what the best option for you is) then always have a condom on you! I would never go out to a kegger or a club without at least one condom tucked away in my bra or a hidden pouch of my handbag.
Another tip for you is that if your hookups become something of habit, make sure you establish boundaries, ground rules, etcetera. We have (hopefully) all seen the movies No Strings Attached or Friends With Benefits. We all know how those work out; your little hookup turns into a beautiful relationship. While my situation happily worked out like that, unfortunately most of them do not work out that way. You need to make sure that you are both clear on just what your relationship is, what you both expect from it, what is okay and what is not, and whether there is any potential for a relationship in the future.
The last thing you want is to think you are just friends fooling around every now and then, and then you go to a party, and see them hooking up with someone else and you become that green-eyed monster we all try not to be. Then, things just become messy on your floor.
This situation is one of the worst case scenarios, and honestly, if you do floorcest right, all of these things are avoidable. I cannot stress this enough: be clear about what your relationship is.
Finally, to avoid any messy, jealous, or awkward situations, branch out. Go meet someone else on a different floor, a different wing for goodness sake, or *gasp* another residence! Yes, it is convenient and easy to have a hookup with someone on your floor because they are right there, but it is also a risky and potentially volatile strategy.
Another thing you should be aware of is that your little fling probably will not stay on the down low for very long. If your floor is anything like mine, well, then, there are absolutely no secrets. Everyone knows everything. We share secrets, gossip about our hook ups and give a roommate a place to stay when theirs has brought someone else home.
My floor in Victoria hall is like a family; we have no secrets and we support each other’s decisions.
Of course, engaging in floorcest is completely your decision but if you do, I hope you take these tips and advice into consideration to avoid any messiness.