The month of March is recognized as Women’s History Month. It’s a time to acknowledge the many historical contributions and sacrifices that women have made. These female contributions range from performing simple acts of kindness, to pushing for the progression of women’s rights.
As I reflect on what this month means to me, I think of the women in my own life and how they have made my life – and others’ lives – infinitely better. The women in my life who I call my friends and my family have both supported me through every stage of my life. Looking back on their contributions and support has helped me realize that the emotional labour that women do is incredibly undervalued and under-recognized. Many of us are aware of gender-based issues such as the wage gap, and the barriers women face in succeeding economically, culturally, and personally. But what seems to go particularly unnoticed in our celebration of women and their work is the emotional labour many women experience in their day-to-day lives.
In the past and in the present, families have been structured in a way that encourages mothers and mother figures to be the main source of emotional support and comfort for their families. Growing up, our mothers were the first people many people ran to when we fell at the playground or the first person we would tell about our scary dreams. Even today, when something feels too big to deal with on my own, I pick up the phone at the ripe old age of 19 to frantically FaceTime my mother from university. She never complains that I’m too much, and she never needs a thank you or a gift. She – alongside many other women – spend the majority of their life being there for others in ways that men generally are not expected to.
This isn’t to say that men can’t or don’t provide emotional support for others – this is only to point out how the way society has structured families has created a job out of the emotional labour of women. As girls, we see our mothers being expected to support everyone around them, championing everyone’s successes and soothing the pain of failure. We then grow up and feel as if we are expected do the same for our friends and partners. I see these same characteristics in the dynamics of female friendships, more than male friendships. The patriarchal familial structures that young girls observe during childhood continue to affect them as they begin their own families.
The expectation of being the family cheerleader, therapist, and caretaker feels like a job on its own that many women complete in addition to having professional careers. It’s a job that unfortunately goes unacknowledged because of the degree to which we’re raised to expect women to undertake this role. So, remember to thank the women in your life who have been there for you. The emotional labour that many women experience is truly the foundation of the backbone of our society. That needs to be recognized.
