I love a good rom com whether it is a show, book, or movie. Does consuming these things give me an unreachable standard of love? Yes, it does, but will I stop watching these movies or reading this genre so I can meet realistic dating expectations? That would be a hard no.
I am what you would call a “late bloomer.” I recently saw a Tik Tok that talked about how the way you were viewed in high school can really affect you mentally. More than you might think. I never had a relationship in high school, nor did anybody ever try to pursue me. Because I did not have a relationship in high school, I didn’t have stories to share with the group, like my friends did, because I never had guys try and pursue me. I now find myself settling or rushing into things just to try and catch up with everyone. If I could describe the feeling, it is like being behind in a race and never being able to catch up, no matter how hard you try.
I find myself falling hard for guys who have absolutely no interest in me because I am so used to my crushes being one-sided and never being reciprocated. I think that knowing that his feelings are not there makes me feel safe because I know nothing will happen. In a weird way, I feel an immense amount of anxiety when I know someone has a crush on me because it is like part of me does not believe it to be true and the other part of me does not know how to process the information once I learn it. One of my toxic traits is that I use dating apps as a form of validation, and that is all I use it for. While most people make an account on dating apps with the mindset that they are going to find their “one true love,” my mindset is just to have average looking men tell me I am, then I will delete the app and download again when I need validation. Honestly, I always thought I was alone in feeling this way but that one Tik Tok showed me that there are a ton of people out there in the same boat that I am in.