Why Having Best Friends is More Important Than Having Boyfriends

Hoes before bros, sisters before misters, besties before testies, how strong is your bond to sisterhood?

         As women, it’s quite easy to get caught up in the flashy appeal of having a boyfriend, husband, or fiancé that loves you unconditionally and sweeps you off your feet.

You become addicted to this idea of true and pure, innocent love from a man who worships the ground you walk on. He’s amazing with your parents, he’s a good listener, and you see yourself with him down the line possibly forever. Going as far as imaging the day you walk down the aisle and spot him at the alter in a midnight black tuxedo… or whatever it is that you’re into. I need you to stop there for a moment, and look to the sides of the alter, who are your bridesmaids? Who is your maid of honor? Who did you invite to the reception?

It’s unfortunate to say that I’ve seen it happen all too often, friends burning friends over a boy who’s only using her. The selfishness of a man’s sexual motives and manipulation to go on his conquest to a women’s bedroom can tear apart the victim and every relationship she has. Starting by driving a wedge between her best friend.

         The start of this epidemic begins with the initial meeting of a boy. This boy isn’t that charming. He isn’t drop dead gorgeous. He isn’t very funny. He isn’t interesting. But he has a penis, and he has a “fuck boi” motive. You can smell that a mile away. The worst part is, that underneath your best friend, she isn’t as confident and beautiful as you know her to be.

         After stage one, the infection starts to take place, and the symptoms start showing up. She’s sleeping very little, and you start to see her less and less, she’s constantly anxious, and she’s starting to lose weight because she’s thinking she might be fat, because why wouldn’t the guy call her back if she was skinny? When you do see her, she’s on her phone constantly, asking for advice on what to text him, and yet complaining about him at the same time. You sit there, confused and baffled. She’s being manic. She’s wearing three inches of makeup, and her hair is down, even though she always used to wear it in a ponytail. She tells you about how much she and her new man love house music, even though she’s never listened to it before.

The third stage come when your friend’s man really starts pushing his luck. By this point, your friend has found out about the other girls he’s been seeing while he was having relations with your friend. And your friend has forgiven him and accepts the idea that he will change, and that he does love her, because even though he hasn’t said it yet, you don’t understand their relationship the way she and him do, and you’re just being jealous of what they have. You’re starting to see the girl that you loved, your best friend, your soul sister, become the submissive receiver to an unappreciative “fuck boi”.

         The fourth stage is when your friend really starts to lash out. Near this last point, your friend and her man have broken up and gotten back together a million times. Both of their infidelities being traded back and forth, solely for revenge. Each and every time they break up, she runs back to you for comfort, and she says how much she loves you better and how she doesn’t care about him, yet she’s still hiding her phone screen from you, and being distant. She really looks to be in bad shape, you’ve noticed her grades had been slipping. You’ve noticed her previously dark brown hair is now bleached and breaking off into pieces. While you guys are, both hanging out, she looks at her phone, sends one more message, then gets up and leaves. You ask where she’s going, almost always knowing the answer, but praying that this time it’s different. This time he’s changed (he hasn’t), this time for sure (nope), this is his last chance (it’s not), I’m done running back to him (she’s not), I haven’t changed (she has), I’m still your best friend (is she though?).

         The fifth stage affects you. You’ve realized that you were unrightfully in this relationship the whole time too, and you don’t like the way he’s been treating you two. It’s really time for you guys to go your separate ways from him. It’s time to talk to your best friend about ending this affiliation. Sure, she’s changed a bit, but she’s still the same girl, right? Wrong. She’s baffled that you’d make her choose between you and him. And at this point, you’re so exhausted, and over this situation that you finally walk away. You’ve realized that by staying by her side and enabling her craziness, that you’ve only encouraged her to keep running back and forth between you two. She was never going to change, because there were never any consequences for her actions. This is the hardest thing to do. But you realized that even though she was your best friend, she wasn’t your only friend, and you have other people to fall back on, because unlike her, you made sure to give your other friend’s attention and love, while she didn’t. In fact, it was you that had to beg for her presence every time.

The sixth and final stage comes when your friend actually does leave him for good, but more likely he’s left her, and there was nothing she could do to get him back this time. Though if anyone was to ask her about it, she would claim that she was the one who ended things with him. She’s all alone. She has no boyfriend, and lost every connection to her friends and sisterhood. She tried to contact you again. It’s been months, but she’s begging to be friends again, she tells you she has no one. And maybe, that’s how it should be. Because you don’t even know if you should believe her or not. Did he actually leave this time? You don’t know. If another man comes into her life, won’t it be the same? You don’t know. All this damage is done, and irreversible.

         Remember ladies, that your friends choose to be your friends based solely off the fact that they love who you are, not for sex, not for how hot you are, and not because you’re an accessory. They understand you for who you are, and they can relate to you as a woman. No matter what man comes into your life, never let that drive a wedge between you and your sisters. We’re all on this journey as women together, and it’s a lot less horrible with people who understand you.