Introverts are the figurative turtles of the social ladder because they just enjoy hiding from the world sometimes. According to Vocabulary.com, “an introvert generally prefers solitary activities to interacting with large groups of people. If you would rather work through your feelings in your diary than have a conversation, then you are an introvert.”
Introverts often feel rejuvenated and re-energized by spending time alone, while extroverts generally find comfort in constantly interacting with other people and become uncomfortable when left alone. There are also ambiverts, who have qualities of both the extrovert and introvert sides of the spectrum, but these are topics for another day. It’s time to shine the spotlight on introverts.
Memes and other forms of social media seem to pit introverts and extroverts against each other in a battle of who is more irritating. Stereotypes of both sides spread, with extroverted people tending to label introverts as being grumpy “people haters” who are rude, stuck-up, and just super boring, and introverts labeling extroverts as “chatty Cathys” who are annoying, obnoxious, and dim-witted.
Everyone loves an extrovert who is always willing to chat, but not everyone understands the reasons why an introvert isn’t as keen to do so. A lot of times, introverts are avoided by others because they think that introverts want to be avoided, when this is rarely the case. It took me awhile to realize that I am an introvert. I have always been very shy when it comes to getting to know new people, but I never thought of myself as introverted. “Hey, wait a minute, I can’t be introverted because introverts hate people, but I love people!” I thought. Wrong. Being an introvert does not mean that you have an inherent dislike for people. It just means that sometimes, you need a break from them so you can just have some time to think about life and process your surroundings. A lot of creative visionaries and artists are introverts, and use this spare time to create and visualize their next song, artwork, or poem. An introvert’s best companion is themselves.
This realization came to me as I was riding in the car home from a long day of shopping with my mom and sisters. I had a great day but it bugged me that they kept talking in the car. I wasn’t upset or feeling depressed, but I was tired. I wanted to stare out the window and simply think, just think, but my family kept asking me questions and trying to start conversations with me. I finally snapped and told them “I just don’t want to talk right now,” which confused and surprised them. My mom retorted, “You’re so weird, you and this other person I know are the same way. Why can’t you guys just socialize?” Situations like this kept playing out over the course of my young adult life. I eventually discovered that the correct term for this feeling is introversion.
In many cases introverts have many friends and a very active social life. They also love to meet new people most of the time. However, too much social interaction can start to leave them overwhelmed. Introverts aren’t just whiny babies who can’t toughen up and handle talking to people. Research by Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D, M.F.T, shows that introverts are sensitive to dopamine, the neurochemical in our brains responsible for both pleasure and rewards. Too much dopamine makes an individual feel “overstimulated,” a word commonly used to describe introverts and highly sensitive individuals. When I’m feeling overstimulated, I become physically exhausted and legitimately frustrated. Sometimes I even feel shaky, sweaty, and on the verge of tears. Sometimes enough is enough, and I need to get home and sit by myself and read, watch tv, or listen to music for a bit.
This is why introverts are known for not enjoying small talk. Think of it like running your phone at 50% battery. When your phone isn’t fully charged, you probably aren’t going to play Candy Crush when you know you need to save your phone power for more important uses. Introverts only have so much “social battery” before they become drained and need to re-fuel. We don’t want to spend time talking about useless information that provides no value to our lives. In fact, this is a good thing and can even make us be better friends to you! We would rather talk to you about you; about your goals and dreams, about what happens when we die, about what makes you smile or what makes you sad. We often simply don’t care about what celebrities are hot or what happened on tv last night. Sometimes, silence is okay too, and becoming comfortable in silence just makes the relationship more genuine and comfortable.
Lastly, you shouldn’t think that introverts and extroverts can’t be friends. Introverts and extroverts are able to get along. The extrovert tends to have more of the control in the relationship dynamic because of how open and willing they are to share information with others, but they shouldn’t abuse this power. Be kind to your introverted friends because they process everything more delicately than you. If they’re feeling ready to go home, please just hug them goodbye and let them know how much fun you had. Make it a positive experience. Don’t force them to hang out with someone new for the first time without you there or publicly shame them for being quiet or wary of social situations, because they can’t really help it. They are wired differently. Most importantly, let go of the stereotypes! Get to know an introvert because they really are very unique people with a special way of viewing life and the environment around them.
And by the way, introverts totally know how to have fun. We just know to end the fun before we get too drunk and wake up in a bush.